The Pop Shot heard ’round the world

235 years ago today, a rabble of farmers, blacksmiths, and unaffiliated churnists helped to rout a contingent of the finest army in the world in an early demonstration of American independence. How does this relate to porn?

Well, while a formal Declaration of Independence was not issued until more than a year later, and only grudgingly accepted seven years after that, the “shot heard ’round the world” emanating from the banks of the Concord River was as declarative a statement of intent as the arcing of ropey volleys across the faces, hair, and breasts of any of Porn Valley’s starlets two centuries later.

How often do gangbang directors cry “Don’t pop until you see the back of her throat” or, reminiscent of Paul Revere’s and Thomas Dawes’ dire warnings, do equally-unsure male performers prepare their ejaculation surface by saying, “I’m about to come – like the British – and neither you nor I can stop it”?

Yes, while a pop shot doesn’t actually do anything – like get one pregnant – neither did those early bumbling raids on the part of our Minutemen forbears. But the goal is and was as clear as the thrill of patriotic salinization blooming across – and leaking down – a barely-legal starlet’s neck.

And those men – those modern-day American heroes – who, for sums as low as free and as high as fifty bucks, will stand awkwardly masturbating in their t-shirts, waiting for a Charlotte Vale or a Gia Paloma (our Betsy Ross) or a Chelsie Rae to blow a load on, can today think proudly on that long and unbroken line of patriots with similar goals: freedom from either tyranny or a real job.

But freedom nonetheless.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Charlotte Vale is about 1/20th of their age, collectively; Riding in the caboose on the gang bang train; “Corking” and other porn terms tastefully explained
See also: The American Revolution

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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