“The Session”: If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of Anjanette Astoria

I can smell it happening.

With Los Angeles and the southwest suffering through a heat wave, it seemed smart for Astoria and her producer/husband, Bob Sherman, to schedule filming for “The Session,” a movie in which Astoria plays “a highly aggressive nymphomaniac office slut,” at night, when everyone knows the desert cools down.

“She’s seeing a sex therapist,” said Sherman, “and these scenes with Ron Jeremy, Porno Dan, and Seth Dickens are all her not being able to help herself.”

“And please tell me she also has sex with the therapist,” I said.

“Oh yeah,” Sherman said.

It is less a comment on the predictability of porn than the predictability of the American Psychiatric Association that this plot point didn’t surprise me.

At 8:00 on a recent weeknight I arrived at the Canoga Park strip warehouse of Immoral Productions, a long hallway with offices to one side and a studio/warehouse at the end. And it was still stiflingly hot outside.

“She’s just going to walk in the office and they’ll start fucking,” said Sherman, lying on the carpet with a camera in order to achieve the dual goals of avoiding the heat like a cat will and to shoot up his wife’s skirt.

In the office – and it wasn’t a set made to look like an office but an actual office – was Seth Dickens who played, I think, Astoria’s boss.

“So I’m going to walk in there and say – ” said Astoria.

“No, just start fucking and keep the dialogue to a minimum,” Sherman said.

And this proved to be a brilliant idea, because it is not typing, or flow charts, or conversation one thinks about when Anjanette Astoria walks in the room. It is nailing Anjanette Astoria. Which Seth Dickens did. And the small office just got hotter and hotter.

Meanwhile, the air conditioning had kicked on and Sherman asked that it be turned off because it was too loud.

Readers, sometimes I wonder what were the infinitesimal variables that led me to my illustrious career in porn, and which were chickens and which were eggs (not that I’ve ever fucked a chicken)? And that night I had a memory.

One of my first jobs was at a local hospital in my backwoods community. I worked as a trash collector and for this I made a full three dollars above the minimum wage that I’d previously earned at McDonald’s.

Part of my duties as a hospital trash collector was to go to the operating rooms after surgery and collect the red bags filled with blood, pus, and amputated body parts, wheel them in a rolling cart to the incinerator, and throw the bags in.

It was during my tenure at this job that I began breathing through my mouth, because the smell was unbearable.

So, did I become America’s Beloved Porn Journalist because I’m a mouth-breather?

Anyway, as the tiny office became sweatier and sweatier with the exertions of Dickens and Astoria (“she’s really starting to cream,” Sherman told me) and the lack of air conditioning, my nostrils flared.

Oh my God.

“Yeah,” said cameraman Oliver Ashe, who directed Astoria in a movie called “Minivan Moms,” “it really smalls like sex in there.”

And it did. It smelled like the Tijuana branch of Oscar Meyer in there.

After Dickens delivered a successful line drive pop shot right up Astoria’s middle (the next day was MLB’s All-Star Game), I got out of that sex inferno. I was losing my vaunted journalistic objectivity. It was just too real.

Long ago my eyes were opened to the sad truth that porn is sometimes false (who would believe that adult actresses sometimes fake orgasms?). But Anjanette Astoria opened my nose to the fact that, just as often, porn is as real as heat stroke.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Whether it’s a titpop or a jawbreaker, these milves are on the move!; Anjanette Astoria should just ask nicely
See also: Notorious Pictures

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. thank u so much for stopping by and watching me fuck seth dickens. actually fucked tony rocket afterwards and going back for ron jeremy and porno dan. i had a lot of fun…so thank you again!!! xoxoxo

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