As you know, I can only give you my thoughts on what Cthulhu, Ronnie James Dio, Lorraine Gary as Ellen Brody, or the Prophet Isaiah might do when confronted with certain types of porn. But since I and my colleague B.A. Baracus were drummed out of the service (for a crime we didn’t commit) and escaped to the Los Angeles underground, I have lost my soldier’s longview.
New Sensations’ war epic Hearts And Minds II will likely be nominated for several AVN awards next week, and I sent a copy of the movie to a Major in the U.S. Army, recently returned from a tour in Afghanistan, for his professional opinion on the military aspects of the film.
This movie would get four “whooas!” out of five.
I like the “based on real events” elements like a typical fallen angel situation with a rear echelon (Finance, civil affairs, etc.) be diverted to a downed A/C.
Is that on-base housing? Looks like general officer quarters, not company grade or enlisted housing, needs more NASCAR flags flying.
Professional looking credits.
Radio Telephone Operator (RTO) procedures are bad during credits, no “over and out” after transmission. SINGARS radios are a lot clearer compared to the old FM radios.
No diamond formations while moving in the village? I would not use two soldiers to clear village, need more ammo pouches, water packs, and NVG mounts on helmet and SAPI plates. No ammo magazine stuck on helmet, my senior Sergeant would kill him for that shit. “This ain’t the Boy Scouts asshole!”
Looks like where they do airsoft or paintball
Need more garbage, dogs, trashed cars, and raw sewage running down the street. Need a well and domed adobe buildings to show what it is like in the country.
Determining condition of the downed helicopter was too quick, got to ID the dead and bag human remains. Strip out encrypted radios. Would have lots of locals standing around asking for money.
Don’t stand around and talk: a unit would go to 360 degree perimeter. Great way to get killed jacking your jaw while debating Plato’s “Republic.”
The Team Leader with the goatee is cool (Tommy Gunn) but where is his rank, too skinny for Special Forces.
Can’t order to shoot and murder that violates Uniform Code of Military Justice. I would keep the prisoner alive so I could question them, also where is the local person who would be the unit interpreter. I always had one with me all the time when I went out.
What type of unit? Why does the female have a USMC globe and eagle on her blouse?
Music sounds good.
When firing the SAW or M240 don’t rest it on magazine can, it would fuck it up and bends the feed tray, always use the bipod.
The enemy in CENTCOM AO is spray and pray, the actors are too good. They move too tactical. When enemy are shot they scream in real life.
{My wife} says the female in the first sex scene (Cassandra Cruz) has a distorted face, too much plastic surgery? Also does she have swollen vagina lips? Also why would a guy slap his face with the feet of the girl?
[EDITOR’S NOTE: The sign of a good marriage is when, when watching porn together, the man does not comment on the features of the woman in the scene, but lets the woman do it, and immediately agrees with her if it is negative. Also, the foot-based face slapping is a way of showing how small the woman’s feet are.]It was nice to see an internal cumshot like real life. Is this a couple’s movie? Also how did you get to use music by “Journey” in the sound track?
[EDITOR’S NOTE: It is a couples’ movie, else that cumshot would be all over the place so it could be proven. And I sent a review copy of the movie with Journey as a temporary track, which is legal. That track was replaced for the commercial release of Hearts And Minds 2.]
When the guy used satellite communications to watch his girlfriend/wife has a lesbo scene it would cost a lot, eat a lot of bandwidth and violate security protocols, but she is cute.
SATCOM is for UAVs and generals talking with the SECDEF or POTUS.
Listening to Angel saying that he went in because of the “Judge” is a laugh. The Army has not taken in those types since Vietnam. Maybe the Marines do, but they must ask and then get a officer to sign a waiver. I signed a few who had a minor record, but shitheads went to the can to serve their time. The guy talking about missing his car and girl was realistic, but I remember a guy who said he missed his car because he could ride it anytime compared to his girlfriend and the car was less maintenance than the woman.
I liked the paper over the valve cover of the engine and the beer logos on the big sign when they (Jack Lawrence and Sadie West) had sex on the Shelby Cobra replica car. Was that because legal said so? We in the army had to deal with the same crap.
The enemy in Iraq or Afghanistan does not dress like LA gangbangers. More like British tourists with track suit pants and soccer team jerseys. They are shitty shots too, that is why they rely on IEDs.
Great head shot with the M-249 machine gun at night with no optics with only iron sights. Angel should get a Bronze Star.
Radios should be vehicle mounted, because a private would tell a lieutenant to fuck off for humping that shit.
Blackhawk transport helicopters would be escorted with AH-64 Apache gun and 20-to-40-man quick reaction force to secure an LZ of a downed aircraft. That is what I did.
Angel was the man with the quick tactical movement order! But WTF with “killing time”? More like Miller time. US soldiers do not go full auto in a Troops In Contact or “TIC” we save our ammo for head shots. Those troops would all be going home because M134 miniguns would chew the enemy up. Also I know a guy who was hit with an RPG and lived because the distance it flew was too short to arm and detonate, so it knocked him down and he got back up and shot the fucker in the face.
Great inspirational music at the homecoming scene. But the house should have had an American flag flying with a blue star banner and the wife handing him a “honey do” list of home improvements and things to fix and do around the house. Then sex time.
Good dedication at the end of the movie. My Commanding Officer would approve.
I still have a lingering irritation with a former (and disgraced) editor at an adult trade magazine who told me that I shouldn’t review porn movies like “real” ones. The above review proves that consumers expect believable context – and are willing to suspend their disbelief, but only to a point – when watching their porn.
Let me provide you with a metaphor:
It is as if a porn company didn’t arm with proper dramaturgy the RPG that was its couples’ film before launching it at the porn-buying public. The movie would knock the consumer over for a second, but then he would get right back up and shoot the fucker in the face.
See the Hearts And Minds 2 gallery here.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: My own less-entertaining review of Hearts And Minds 2
See also: New Sensations
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