The things I could perch on Nicole Austin's ass

A creative dilemma I wrestle with daily is how to write this site in an ambiguous enough manner so that I never have to say “I would like to have sex with this person I’m writing about”.

Extrapolate that to the greater porn world and you have an even bigger problem: doesn’t it all boil down to jerking off? How is it possible to make any of that sound classy? I guess one could build enough structural buffers around it and one could conveniently forget that this business is all about naked ladies/fellows and what might be done with them.

But I’ll never forget.

Here is Ice-T’s wife, Nicole Austin, also known as Coco. Jesus Christ.

Luckily I can avoid being awkwardly vocal about my personal preferences thanks to the filthy-minded Mason, who said, “I could balance a 40 on Coco’s ass.”

Here are several other items that would perch nicely thereon:

Edoras, Golden Hall of the Rohirrim
Deez Nutz
The 2007 Honda CRV
The Adam Film World building
The Chrysler building
Your mother
The North American Plate
Gondwanaland
The white cliffs of Dover
Belle & Sebastian
Seals & Crofts
Peaches & Herb
Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass
A load
A carrier platform of Harrier Jump Jets
The Pharos Lighthouse
Space
Another 40