Today in gerunds: “Asphyxiating Ariel”

If life has taught us anything, it is that gerunds sell movies. Who can forget Sean “You’re the man now, dawg” Connery in “Finding Forrester”? Or the gangbang-forgiveness film “Chasing Amy”? Or the elderporn “Waking Ned Devine”? Then there’s the water bondage flick “Finding Nemo,” the deceptively non-porn “Teaching Mrs. Tingle,” and the Robert Frost poem “Stopping By Woods on A Snowy Evening.”

Whose woods these are, I do not care
I’ll make a snowy toilet there
My little horse won’t take offense
If I squirt my name through this here fence

Not only is trendspotting dominatrix Julie Simone not a fool, but she also doesn’t suffer them lightly. That is why the hapless Ariel X gets treated so savagely in Simone’s “Asphyxiating Ariel,” co-starring the breasts of Summer Cummings.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Smoking Interviews 3
See also: Julie Simone

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


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