Perhaps you think that I shy away from celebrity porn gossip because I am morally erect.
While it is true that my ethics are turgid to bursting, it is more accurate to say that I believe only porn stars deserve publicity for acting like porn stars, especially because it’s their job and they do it so much better than the likes of, say, Tiger Woods or Kate Gosselin.
But I was struck by Hugh Hefner’s refusal to consider a nude Kate Gosselin pictorial in Playboy (“No! No!” said Hefner) coming the same day that celebrity vulture attorney Gloria Allred wrote me to say that one of Woods’ mistresses, Joslyn James, would be watching his pre-Masters’ Tournament press conference and “reacting,” as if that were news.
It is news in that the reporting of non-events reflects the feeding frenzy zeitgeist.
From Allred:
Joslyn James, an adult film star, who had a three year romantic and intimate relationship with Tiger Woods will watch Tiger’s news conference at 2PM Monday ,April 5, 2010 with her attorney, Gloria Allred, at the Friar’s Club,57 East 55th St. New York, New York City and then react to it at their own news conference immediately thereafter in the Ed Sullivan room at the Friar’s club.
Ms. James has asked for an apology from Tiger Woods for lying to her during their relationship by telling her that she was the only woman he was having a relationship with other than his wife and that he and Joslyn would have a lifetime together. Mr. Woods has not yet apologized and Ms. James will announce what she will do next.
Ms. Allred will also react to Mr. Wood’s news conference. She also represents Tiger’s kindergarten teacher who said on Friday that she deserves an apology for what she alleges was Tiger Woods’ lie that on the first day of kindergarten he was tied to a tree, had the “N” word sprayed on him, rocks thrown at him and that the teacher really didn’t do much of anything about it. The teacher stated that the incident never occurred and was never reported.
Ms. Allred will also explain why she believes that Tiger Woods should not be playing at the Masters’. Ms. Allred and Ms. James will explain why they will or will not go to the Masters’ to see Tiger play this week.
Speaking of asinine choices and the pornification of non-porn celebrities, Vivid is indignant that reality show personality/baseball groupie Mindy McCready’s lawyer (from the badass-sounding firm of Durham And Dread) has requested proof that Vivid has the legal right, if not the moral authority, to release her sex tape, in which she apparently talks about the sexual proclivities of Roger Clemens.
“Adam Dread is being presumptuous to think we will share all of the information he’s requested in his letter to me,” said Hirsch. “We have no fear of the court system as we’ve operated within the law and we’ll provide him with the documentation that is necessary, when we’re ready, and not a minute before.”
This is all theatre on a small-time porno scale. No celebrity sex tape yet released was made without the knowledge of the celebrity, and the only variable in any of them is the level of vendor’s remorse on the part of the performers. Perhaps I am being presumptuous when I say that I assume McReady has already signed off on the tape and is now having second thoughts, employing a lawyer to find a loophole.
In any case, Vivid’s press release led me to believe that attorney Dread’s letter was a stern one, when in fact it is very polite:
Whatever the outcome of any of these non-events, I am only really interested in is Elin Nordegren. She’s the only one with a future in this business…
- Buy “Lex Steele XXX 9” with Joslyn James here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Pink Visual charges Canadian tubes with vag overfishing; Porn studios vie for Polanski/Geimer reunion video
See also: Vivid, Playboy
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