Pride of Saugus Tyler Faith is back in Boston for tonight’s pivotal Game 5 of baseball’s ALCS matchup between the Red Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays.
“Why did you drop the ‘Devil’ from your name?” Faith taunted the upstart Tampa team. “What have you got to hide? Who is the real Tampa? Is there even a Bay?”
Faith, a porn star who has dated most of the starting lineups of Boston’s professional sports teams, as well as that of the Atlanta Braves (“for historical purposes”) will also be dancing at Peabody’s infamous Golden (“It don’t mean a thing ‘less you leave in a sling”) Banana this weekend.
Faith is just old enough to remember the days when the Red Sox had not won a World Series in 86 years.
“Those were wicked dahk times, kid,” she said.
Despite the Red Sox having easily clinched two World Series victories in 2004 and 2007, a feeling of “this could end at any minute” still hangs over the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. And the sense of impending doom is pervasive and leads to irresponsible behavior.
“For example,” Faith said, “people want to believe the Golden Banana is in Saugus when it’s actually in Pea-bdy. It’s not propah to shoot people in Pea-bdy, so they pretend it’s in Saugus.”
Faith will help out the home team in any way she can. She has even offered to replace Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka if things get too “dicey.”
“I’m going to pitch for them,” she said, even though she’s a great catcher. If you know what I mean.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: See Tyler do; Tyler Faith, awake and asleep
See also: Boaton Red Sox, Tyler Faith, The Golden Banana
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