We Shall Overcome (on your face): On the set of Not the Cosby Show XXX pt. II

Since the porn world has such a high turnover rate and because pornography itself has such a limited shelf life, it is easy to forget that parodies of non-pornographic material have been a mainstay of adult entertainment since the beginning. When an anonymous eighth century Saxon poet wrote “Beowulf,” for example, it was only a matter of months before Grendel’s Mother Porn began circulating through Geatland’s mead halls.

So it was with that sense of history that I, America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, visited the set of XPlay’s porn parody Not the Cosby Show XXX last week.

The set was in a former cabinetmaker’s shop on Valjean Avenue in Van Nuys, right around the corner from Digital Playground.

Useful Detour 1: The “-jean” in Valjean is pronounced “jeen’.” Usually it’s Los Angeles’ Spanish names that defy logic and their original pronunciations, such as the entire community of Los Feliz, but I learned quickly not to pronounce Valjean like the hero of “Les Miserables.”

Useful Detour 2: There have been at least two porn actors who have chosen the name Jean Valjean. One a Caucasian French-born heartthrob who is still in demand today, both in the straight and gay sides of the business, and the other an African-American performer who was active between 1985-1995 and is listed on the Internet Adult Film Database with 23 titles in 10 years.

The latter Valjean made a 1990 porn parody with Lynn LeMay called “Gillie’s Isle,” and this year Hustler made “This Ain’t Gilligan’s Island XXX.”

Useful Detour 3: It was XPlay, a partnership between Jeff Mullen (whose porn directing name is Will Ryder, which I will use for the rest of the story) and Scott David, that created the resurgence in porn parodies, some of which they produce on their own, and which tend to start with the word “Not,” and others they produce for companies like Adam & Eve and Hustler, which tend to start with “This Ain’t.”

“That’s one way we let people know it’s a parody,” said Hustler Vice President Jeff Thill. “We use words like ‘Not’ and ‘Ain’t.’ Also, we say, ‘This is a parody.'”

Ditto for when Hustler, taking a cue from XPlay’s success, produces a parody on its own with other directors, such as “This Ain’t Gilligan’s Island” or “This Ain’t The Munsters.”

Regardless of who had the idea, Hustler tends to distribute all XPlay’s titles.

Anyway, so there I was on the second and third days of a nine-day shoot, in which director Ryder would be putting two “Cosby” movies in the can (so to speak), betting that the first movie would do so well that it would be smart to have a sequel ready to go without having to get the cast back together and re-building the sets months later.

“We know this one will do well,” said Ryder, “provided Cosby doesn’t sue us. Or even if he does.”

This is the first of the recent spate of porn parodies that includes a real name, and Ryder is hoping that William Cosby, Ed. D. won’t be litigious.

“Some lawsuits are frivolous and some are scary,” Ryder said, “but it costs money to fight each one.”

But Ryder is not too scared. XPlay tends to exploit every promotional opportunity, and it helps that Howard Stern is a porn fan.

“Howard really helped us with ‘Britney Rears,'” said Scott David. “And that movie really was the beginning for us.”

Now most of the successful movies out of Porn Valley either have a minor celebrity in them or evoke a celebrity, like porn parodies. And don’t forget that two “Pirates” movies are themselves porn copycats, albeit with much higher budgets.

Ryder writes the press releases and directs the movies, and David handles much of the pre-production and sets. The look of the “Cosby” parody, including its 60 costumes and the furniture and props, is largely due to David, a former hairdresser. Naturally, David also did the hair.

“I’ve been in every thrift shop in L.A. at least five times getting these costumes together,” said David.

The set, consisting of five distinct rooms (and one which will turn into Monica Foster-as-Claire’s college dorm room to provide her a sex scene independent of comedian Thomas Ward, who plays Cliff), was built by Kenny DeMartines, who for several years was the set designer for Hustler’s studio.

But the real achievement of this movie is the casting. Nine people read for the non-sex role of Cliff Huxtable, and the part went to Thomas Ward, a regular at the Comedy Store whose Cosby impression was impeccable. For about 15 minutes he toyed with using the name “James T. Kirk” as his nom de porn, but then had a change of heart.

“Fuck it,” he said on Day Two. “I’m using my own name.”

And yes, I said that people read for the part.

I really can’t tell you what the plot was, and it almost doesn’t matter, but the production hired veteran director Roy Karch to be its script coordinator.

“They’ve got four full scripts here,” Karch said, rifling through a folder. “Blue copies, yellow copies…they’re 30-page scripts.”

The standard Hollywood script is between 90 and 120 pages, but a porn feature script usually runs between 12 and 20 pages.

What’s more, “Not the Cosbys” will be one of the only recent movies to feature interracial sex as a sideline of the plot, and not the entirety of the plot. Despite this, my first day on set happened to be Caucasian Day, so I didn’t get a good idea of the genre-busting audacity of hope the movie represents.

On set that day were Misty Stone, who plays Denise (the part inhabited by a pre-“Angel Heart” Lisa Bonet), Tyler Knight as Theo, and Dick James, who plays Denise’s boyfriend. Everyone else was white.

The scene being shot that day was a sleepover-turned-orgy that is somehow stumbled upon by Theo and Cockroach. The orgy features Jenny Hendrix, Jaelyn Fox, Lana Violet, the delicious Sarah Vandella, and Tori Black, who isn’t black at all. Also on hand is Jay Ashley, who is neither black nor the type of person you’d expect at a slumber party in the first place, regardless of whether it turned into an orgy.

At one point Ashley got really into it and started slapping and choking Jaelyn Fox, who was all for it. But Scott David put an end to that, saying, “This is the Cosbys, not the Evil Empire.”

David told me that XPlay is just beginning to be paid from the first Not the Bradys movie, which was shot in 2006 and was their first TV parody.

XPlay just made a deal with Video-on-Demand site AEBN to exclusively distribute their movies online for the first seven months.

“You can still make money in porn,” David said, “but it’s not an immediate turnaround.”

On the set, it is like herding cats. First the lube runs out, then a couple of performers remember they forgot to douche.

“Let’s douche up!” Ryder says in frustration.

“I can’t imagine a place more douched up,” someone else says (it was me, but I didn’t mean it).

Ryder explains to Hendrix, Vandella, Violet, and Fox, who are all stacked in a wet heap on a couch, that the scene they are about to shoot will be a classic.

“I can tell you right now that this scene is going to get nominated for Best Group Sex Scene,” he says. Vandella, who is from Long Island and travels here once every couple of months, seems impressed.

But Scott David, who seems to act like Ryder’s foil, says, “The movie isn’t even shot yet and you’ve got it winning AVN Awards.”

“Well, I’m that good,” Ryder says.

The group scene is shot, and it is impressive. The couch will probably sound like a wet sponge the next time anyone sits on it.

Ryder is functioning on very little sleep and David is hobbling around after a knee injury. It is the second day of shooting and things are running behind schedule. Unlike other sets, however – and this is important – no one is freaking out, storming away, or picking fights. Tee Reel has been here for hours and he is sitting in the costume room, texting.

“Where are you from – Philadelphia?” I ask.

“Cleveland,” he says.

Then I ask Tyler Knight if he is from Cleveland.

“Philadelphia,” he says.

You can take Amtrak’s Pennsylvanian from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh and then switch to the Capitol Limited to Cleveland for about 70 bucks. This is my way of distracting you from my sub-par interview skills.

The next day is an all-dialogue day that I attended just to see the Cosbys themselves. This is where I knew the movie would be a hit. Not only is Ward a dead-on impressionist and Tee Reel a ringer for Cockroach, but the women playing Rudi and Vanessa, Nina Devan and Melody Narai, look frighteningly similar to porn versions of Keshia Knight Pulliam and Tempestt Bledsoe.

Both women look (and are made to look) very young, as their characters were in the show. But both are 20.

Despite this, it was weird to hear a frustrated Devan, in pig-tails and a schoolgirl jumper, say, “Aren’t we ever gonna motherfuckin’ eat?”

The first Not the Cosby Show XXX movie will arrive early next year, well in time for 2010 AVN Awards consideration.

Read Part One

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: The Porn Actor’s Nightmare; We shall overcome (on your face); Tits And Ass; Durex – for when you have to wear a condom; Asia Noir 6
See also: XPlay

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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