WHO: Pube renaissance will lead to decreased birthrate

NEW YORK—Citing the recent trendiness of pubic hair, the World Health Organization warned that population growth in internet-aware nations will slow as generations of potential parents, weaned on pornography featuring shaved women, will forget where the vagina is.

“Since the advent and acceptance of the birth control pill in the late 1960s, total fertility in the United States has remained constant at about two births per adult female,” said WHO spokesman Gram Ponante. “But the date is fast approaching when males who have only seen shaved pubic areas in porn videos will want to start families, and won’t have a clue where to begin.

“There is absolutely no question where to put it when it’s all laid out for you hairless,” Ponante added.

Pubic shaving of females, which was actually a porn fetish in the mid-1990s Porn Bubble, quickly became industry standard. Now, half a generation later, an anti-shaving backlash and the retro-fetishization of pubic hair in adult videos threatens to erase what Ponante calls the Great Vaginal Roadmap.

“The GVR is disappearing under a thicket,” he said, “and only people who remember pre-Woodstock ’94 vaginas will be called upon to fertilize the embryos of the future. In fact, we will be sought out.”

Ponante, who concedes he doesn’t really work for the World Health Organization, predicted a race of mutants by 2021.

“It will be a generation of ass-babies,” he said.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Bush”: I’m starting to feel vertically integrated; You can’t put a laugh track on genius; The Nipless Fuck

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  1. Shave it, trim it, tame it… as long as it’s not a return to 70’s bush, where you need a machete to get to the goods, I’m fine with the return of the pubes.

    I’m not a fan of pit hair, though – that shit needs to stop.

  2. Pubs aren’t going to keep me away from the muck trough, but I’ll certainly lap at it longer when it’s bald.

  3. How strange that men and women don’t shave are called fetishists whereas those who do ‘normal’. If one likes to see a babe with no shoes on – one is accused of having a foot fetish.

  4. In 20 years, when we have evolved into superbeings with gravel-resistant feet, those who worship women wearing shoes will again be called foot fetishists. (Remember, though, that foot fetishists come in many different colors; there are some who like shoes, some who like bare feet, big feet, painted toenails, etc.)

  5. Wow, that is weird to think about. I got mine lasered off, so they aren’t growing back. In a few years I will be deviant for something that was mainstream when I did it. I wonder if in a few years people will think my baldness is freakier than my big clit?

    Probably not.

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