Controversy surrounding the proposed Ground Zero mosque draws us uncomfortably back to the repressed homosexuality of religious fundamentalists.
Completely missing from any of the narratives surrounding the September 11 tragedy was the double phallic symbol represented by the World Trade Center and the nagging feeling among zealots that double penetration leads to gayness on the parts of the pene-perpetrators.
Forget the fact that the towers were parallel and never touched until they were attacked.
Since I have never read the Koran, I am uniquely qualified to get into the minds of all pseudo-Islamic terrorists, who haven’t read it either, when I quote Abu Tom Petty: “You believe what you wanna believe.”
That is why Barcelona’s Torre Agbar, itself a single phallic monolith, provides no sexo-spiritual temptation to extremists, why it was not destroyed during the filming of Private’s “Barcelona Sex Secrets,” and why the Eiffel Tower is more likely to be blown up by the Vatican due to its resemblance to an IUD.
Here is my backstage report from the movie.
“Accion!” calls director Johnny Vendetta on the set of “Barcelona Sex Secrets,” and Aletta Ocean and Regina Ice mount a pool table and each other.
“Hola! Besos!” says Regina Ice. My Spanish isn’t that good, so I missed the fact that she was sending me kisses and instead thought she thought I was Mexican.
“Pesos?” I said. Whatever you need, I’ll get it…
We watch for a while, entranced by Ocean’s rhythmically slapping folds, thinking of the planet Solaris with its sentient ocean (perhaps that’s why she chose her name?), but then need drives us outside.
You can’t have a boner in Barcelona without first looking at the Torre Agbar.
The building, which even its architect said is “phallic,” rises above Barcelona’s financial district and, in the five years since its completion, has been top on the list of Barcelona’s most recognized places.
That is why El Torre takes up a significant place on the cover of this movie. (The tower has a similarly-shaped counterpart in London that locals call “The Gherkin”).
“Barcelona Sex Secrets” was shot over several long days, one of which featured a romp atop a motorcycle with Lucy Belle. The movie’s only actual shot of the Torre Agbar comes when co-star Andrea Moranti, who performs the crowd-pleasing trick of walking around with a towel on his dick, takes a smoke break on the roof with the un-toweled Torre behind him.
Belle demonstrates what a pro she is in this movie, claiming preference for the doggie position (“I think this is best,” she says), but never getting much of a chance to do it in the crowded motorcycle shop. Finally she and Moranti work something out.
It is the final night of the production and director Vendetta is trying to corral a punch-drunk cast who can’t stop laughing. And it’s not a sex scene; it is a dinner party scene.
“Venga!,” says Vendetta (“Come on!”) and the scene finally wraps after several extra interruptions. The actual sex scene was shot earlier in the day, but we get to see it following the dinner scene by virtue of studio magic.
But in real time, outside the Torre Agbar glows blue with frustration.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed:
See also: Private
“Completely missing from any of the narratives surrounding the September 11 tragedy was the double phallic symbol represented by the World Trade Center and the nagging feeling among zealots that double penetration leads to gayness on the parts of the pene-perpetrators.
“Forget the fact that the towers were parallel and never touched until they were attacked.”
Awesome.