X Rated

Studio: Metro
Director: Pat Myne
Cast: Missy Monroe, Christy Lee, Jada Fire, Kelly Wells, Eva Angelina, Alexis Amore, Sandra Romaine

Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot

Such an iconic-sounding porn title as “X Rated” raises expectations and demands close scrutiny. As you will remember, Disney’s “Rated G” created a similar groundswell and critics ultimately rejected it; too few wisecracking monkeys, one too many fat kids.

But this, Pat Myne’s hundredth title for Metro Pictures, is a solid, dirty piece of work on its own, but also packs two extra discs’ worth of AVN Award-nominated scenes Myne-d from Pat’s catalog, ultimately presenting a package that lives up to the title in quantity if not in blow-your-face-out reimaginings and expansions of the porn genre.

Scene One (of six) begins with Latin desirables Alexis Amore and Eva Angelina. I didn’t catch the guy’s name, but I shall call him Lucky Bastard.

LB happens on the two masturbating in high heels on a just-steamed Porn Valley beige rug. The scene and scenario are much like any other shot in the same house on any other day or on the same day anywhere else, but some extra cash was shelled out for Angelina and Amore to work together.

Next comes Kelly Wells, whose rib-baring physique and sharp features leave no mystery to her; she is a vicious, dirty, well-coiffed suburbanite who resembles Lorraine Gary if Ellen Brody had done in the movie “Jaws” what her character did in the book of the same name. She takes on a HUGE black dildo before settling for the inevitably smaller carbon-based version.

Evil girl next door Christy Lee is in the bathroom; she pleasures herself. Like the other ladies in this film who seemed to be having a fine time just masturbating, she is soon joined by a dude who fucks her on the toilet and on the bathroom floor. The bathrooom looks clean enough, so the wholesome factor established by the fact she’s in a schoolgirl outfit is maintained.

What sets this movie apart is the caliber of performances and the wattage of the stars. Aside from Lee who, let’s face it, redeems everything by getting fucked on a toilet, all of the performers are well known and each performs her scene with a little extra.

Especially Sandra Romain. Romain is very sweet when the cameras are off but she will eat you alive when the tape starts rolling. Her scene is the most energetic. It starts as she cleans a room full of butt plugs with her mouth. Then she is thrown into a cage. Then the cage is shaken (also like “Jaws”), then she is double-teamed. It is the guys who look the worse for wear afterward.

Jada Fire is probably the reason the word “bootylicious” was invented. She is also the reason why I invented the term “squirtylicious”.

Finally, Missy Monroe, dressed in such a way that would leave no one surprised by her intentions, engages in what is known as a blowbang. Monroe is, as of this writing, several months pregnant. We know for certain that it could not have happened on the “X Rated” shoot.

This movie starts well and doesn’t let up. Within the realm of porn budgets and porn talent, with just enough attention – but not too much – paid to camera angles and costume and lighting and location, “X Rated” is a great porn DVD in the dying days of the porn DVD.

The eight extra awards-nominated scenes on the other two discs are icing on the cake. I haven’t watched them yet, but I would have no problem loaning a single guy this movie, because there isn’t a scene that wouldn’t do the trick.