Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States

HBO’s “John Adams” miniseries is pretty compelling, though it inaccurately places the man who would become our second President at the scene of the Boston Massacre. Tom Wilkinson is brilliant as Ben Franklin, David Morse engaging as George Washington, the guy from “Oz” excellent as the guy from Pennsylvania, Laura Linney wonderful as Abigail Adams, and Paul Giamatti way better than he was in that god-awful pool movie with Opie’s daughter.

As I sat at home considering these things a thought came to me:

“I have to go take another picture of Adrianna Nicole in a parking lot.”

My collection of pictures of Adrianna Nicole in parking lots is among the major achievements of my career as America’s Beloved Porn Journalist. Tonight, while I watched John Adams wrestle with Philadelphia’s horrible plague of dysentery in the summer of 1776, I knew that one of the freedoms guaranteed by Adams and the founders was manifested in Carlos Batts’ Young Hollywood, in which Nicole has sex by venetian blinds.

“Yeah, man,” Batts said. “Adrianna’s a trip.”

The party was at Safari Sam’s on Sunset Blvd. Guests listened to live music from bands featured in Young Hollywood and Batts’ next movie, Kiss Attack, including a set from Batts’ friends from Baltimore, Dirt & Bank.

“Yeah, man, “Batts said. “Dirt & Bank are a trip.”

Mandy Morbid proved that her default setting is winsome as she posed with Pride of Oregon Kimberly Kane. Kane, who is Young Hollywood‘s boxcover model, has yet to see the movie.

“You should,” I said. “You’re really naked in it.”

“I see all my movies,” Morbid said. “I’ve only been in one.”

Because of “John Adams”, I’d missed the bands. Apparently Glenn Danzig was there, as his yard had been used for Mandy Morbid’s car-top tryst with Lystra, or trystra. But I didn’t see him.

“He was standing about one millimeter away from you,” Batts told me. (Danzig is kind of short; Mika Tan told me this.)

A drunk and vaguely surly Benny Profane was on stage. He played Martin van Buren in the Adams movie.

I saw Clown Porn‘s Dick Chibbles and Daisy Layne.

“Why clowns?” I probed.

“People having sex is funny,” Chibbles said (he lives in San Diego). “Clowns having sex is funnier.”

Actually, clowns having sex is horrifying. But not more than the atrocities committed by the British in its colonies, or what the Sons of Liberty regularly did to the Crown’s tax collectors.

Also on hand were performer Van Damage and his wife, let’s call her Cynthia Damage. I approve of this marriage.

“My girlfriend brought me to a swinger’s party and I just found myself blowing him,” she said, echoing Martha Washington.

Off in a corner representing Los Angeles were April Flores and her friend, La Cholita. Flores did much of the behind the scenes work in Young Hollywood and stars in Kiss Attack, where she leads a fleshy vampire army. How La Cholita figures into this I’m still unsure, but I’m glad she does.

“Looking good is being deadly,” La Cholita said.

As I was about to leave, a parking lot materialized around Adrianna Nicole for her photo opportunity. It made me think of the tax collector in “John Adams”; she looked like she should be tarred and feathered, except not with tar and feathers, if you know what I mean.

Read the Young Hollywood review here.

Previously: Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
See also: Carlos Batts, Adam & Eve, HBO’s “John Adams”

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. I’ve got an idea for a new feature on Porn Valley Observed, The Adrianna Nicole daily picture post. Or even better you could just rename the site Adrianna Observed and bring the full coverage we need.

  2. I think this is an excellent idea, Michael. Ms. Nicole’s birthday is this Tuesday, so hat might be as good a time as any to begin a 50-year project.

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