Your weekend cavalcade of pubes

The late director Jim Holliday narrated a 1988 compilation called “Only the Best of Breasts” that should make anyone fall in love with Desiree Cousteau all over again.

“She had gravity-defying tits,” Holliday said.

But, like all porn (and science fiction), this movie says more about the time it was made than anything it’s supposed to be about. So, while I was indeed looking at the breasts of Cousteau, Kay Parker, Christy Canyon, Sue Nero, Desiree West, Ali Moore, Honey Wilder, and Keisha, my eyes were drawn south.

I feel terrible saying this, but the pubes grossed me out. As I watched a shower scene with the beautiful Lisa DeLeeuw and John Leslie I thought, “Being in a shower is the only way to eat out someone that hairy.”

I know that it was just a few years ago that shaving seemed weird and that pubes are lately making a comeback – as a fetish – but I am a dedicated follower of fashion, as you well know.

If When the apocalypse/Taliban comes and razors are nowhere to be found, I’ll adapt. But every now and then this movie seemed like I was back in Anthropology class.

Nevertheless, a movie that seemed at first like a throwaway proved to be chock full of compelling ancient data. Holliday provided short and informative intros to the 12 scenes, which also featured the much younger Mike Horner and Tom Byron, as well as Marc Wallice’s scene with Kay Parker in 1984’s “I Want to Be Bad.” Wallice was Patient Zero in the porn industry’s first big HIV crisis in 1998.

We also get a great scene with Jamie Gillis and Desiree West. Gillis just sits in a chair and watches, saying little. But it is clear why he is known as one of the only real actors the adult industry has produced.

The video transfer is poor, but the archival value is great. There are also classic porn trailers and the entirety of the 1940 “smoker” reel “The Payoff,” which shows that the Greatest Generation liked their pubes, too.

But Desiree Cousteau will do you in.

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Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Satan wears tube socks; American Swing; The Violation of Claudia
See also: VCX

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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