Zeina Heart: Unbearded Francophone

My theory of porn, gratuitous nudity, etc. is that no one actually thinks it’s art, and it doesn’t actually say anything about the world in which it was created. But a great number of things go through our minds when we look at it, as smooth and undisturbing a surface as it is, so that suddenly it can mean anything. That is why we talk about Bob Seger a lot on this website.

Zeina Heart can be hired by your adult production company until the end of October. It says here that she speaks French, which is helpful if you’re making a Girl/Girl adaptation of “The Battle of Algiers.”

Anyway, I was interested in the plant life in this photo so I called GramPonante.com’s botanical consultant, Mr. Wilson. You can see that even a person who deals exclusively in the sciences can’t help but project a sexual subtext on them.

GP: What kind of plants are those?
Wilson: I think it’s some kind of an iris, probably like a water plant, because if you notice in the plant there’s no dirt, it’s basically rocks, so it could be like a Southwestern thing or … but it’s like it starts from a bulb so it’s like an iris type thing but very, uh, similar to, uh, if you see like a bearded iris it kinda looks like a clitoral assimilation kinda sorta. They’re very pretty but, mmm, sort of. Clitorises.

Mr. Wilson was no help when I asked him about the salt water in Hollis Mulwray’s garden. “Bad for glass,” he said.

Previously: Mapquesting Mahlia Milan’s mixed messages
See also: ATM

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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