Porn Star Karaoke was different from how I remembered it; the doorman’s goatee was longer. Inside, however, was just the same. I kept thinking the waitresses were porn stars. This happens across Los Angeles.
“Jager, right?” a waitress asked.
“When are you going to stop doing Girls Only?” I replied, subjecting the poor waitress to my sadness over Sunny Leone and Jana Cova. She burst into tears.
“I’m not a porn star!” she cried. “I only dress like one!”
(The previous two paragraphs didn’t happen.)
Lynn LeMay was catting around. That woman has no shame. I would be very happy to teach her shame – the Gram Ponante Method™.
Perhaps because she was biting my coccyx I forgot to ask her the question that has been deviling me these past few months. What is a MILF?
LeMay just directed her first movie, Phoenix: Risen from the Ashes in Las Vegas. She said she called up Caroline Pierce out of the blue when another actresses chose to go on a crack binge.
“Caroline shows up, completely professional, does a great scene, works from midnight to 5 a.m., gives me a kiss, and then goes home. That’s professional.”
But wait – porn stars go on crack binges?
Tee Real was there, keeping it real. He is appearing in L.A. Vice with Kurt Lockwood.
I am starting to feel about Kurt Lockwood the way I feel about Donkey Punches: I may not agree with what he does or his methods, but if it’s consensual and no one’s getting hurt, why should I complain? Thomas Jefferson might have said the same thing when asked about Kurt Lockwood and Donkey Punches.
Lockwood gets pegged in L.A. Vice. I predict it is going to be a big movie for Sex Z Pictures because of this.
Here is what Tee Real said:
“I don’t do anything on screen that I don’t do in my personal life. While I might not be into (pegging) personally, Kurt’s brave for putting it on screen. He likes it.”
My suspicion about Pegging 101 was that some of the actors were ambivalent about it. Watching that sort of ambivalence in a porn movie from an actor or an actress is always disconcerting. Kudos to Lockwood for not subjecting an audience to an ambivalent performance, even if people might feel the need to fast forward through it.
I talked with Wales’ own Sophie Dee.
“Did you see the World Cup?” I asked, instantly out of World Cup followup questions.
“Yes! Italy won,” she said. Then I seamlessly transitioned to one of my many areas of expertise.
“Whenever I see you on a boxcover, you seemed to be surprised by black cock,” I noted, both shocked at what I hear coming out of my mouth nowadays and comforted somewhat by the fact that I’m still shocked.
“That’s the impression we want to get across,” she said.
I took her picture. “For the love of God,” I said, “please put your finger in your mouth.”
The Mr. Rourke of Sardo’s Bar, where PSK is held, is an efficient and gragarious man named Seymour. He reminded me that next Tuesday is Porn Star Karaoke’s third anniversary and that all the porn stars who made the event successful are invited back.
“Wankus is going to send out a press release,” he said.
“Yeah, but he’ll do it at three o’clock that afternoon, the douche,” I said.
Previously: Kami Andrews – just because; Report: breasts popular; Run to the Hills; Why we fight
See also: Sardo’s Bar
Leave a Reply