Vivid releases gonzo bathing suit line, suggests all porn is a lie; Digital Sin makes my testicles recede; Jamye Waxman confirms I have a great face for radio; Ryan Keely shows admirable restraint by not mentioning Narfs

Not since Leo Tolstoy’s “Anal Creampie Karenina” has a great work of literature become porn shorthand as quickly as Vladimir Nabokov’s “Lolita” has.

Conservative estimates say that it takes nearly three weeks to get the New York off of you

“I was pretty sure what I liked and hated before I got to porn, one of the many advantages of waiting until I was 25 before starting.”

“…it would sound exactly like the ravings of a failed musician/actor from Maryland who somehow managed to even flunk out of porn a few years ago.”

“It’s a loose spoof on ‘Iron Chef,’ and much more like ‘Inside the Actors Studio.’”

“I’ve been this way as long as I can remember,” Mayes says. “I used a Ken doll’s head to rub against my clit to get myself off. Is that sexy?”

The work of Tony Flush and Madison Young suggests that vaginas can be approached from two different angles.

Of course, the only direction was, in fact, that Coco Velvett take it all in.

…and it’s not the L.A. River we saw in “Grease” or “Terminator 2,” but an L.A. River with actual water in it. And Rebecca Blue-fluid.

I remember it like it was yesterday. My dog drowned in the neighbor’s pool and the neighbors gave me 20 bucks, with which I went out and bought Loverboy’s “Get Lucky” and Ozzy’s “Blizzard of Ozz.” Oh shit – it was yesterday! I’ll miss you, Gram the dog from Ponante Terrace. Other than Dylan Ryan and Loverboy both being inexorably linked with Canada, Madison Young’s “Lucky” has nothing to do with my dead dog.