| --Thursday, May 15, 2008--
Does Aryan have the reich stuff?
 New to the adult industry is 26-year-old Aryan Astyn, the blonde-haired, brown-eyed - wait a minute - brown-eyed? How can she be Aryan if - and hold on: she has dark roots!
Oh, Aryan, at first you had me fooled. Ich muss meinen inneren Schweinehund treten.
Adult talent agency L.A. Direct Models lists the following tasks Astyn will perform on camera:
Solo
BlowJob
Girl / Girl
Boy / Girl
Swallow
Group The only thing that justifies the name Aryan is that she doesn't do interracial. But she does do solo work, so at least she is a member of the masturbator race.
Previously: Life in a porn dorm isn't all pillow fights and orgies
See also: L.A. Direct ModelsLabels: agency, blonde, germans, new talent
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, May 13, 2008--
Adrianna Nicole is her own massage table
posted by Gram the Man
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Workingman's Gunn
 Today is Tommy Gunn's birthday. You might say, "Grams, I only visit your site for the trannies, MILFs, and Satan - why confuse things by writing about dudes?"
Well, Gunn is one of only a few dozen steadily-working guys in porn, and as such has probably serviced 40 to 50 of your favorite female stars since 2004, and at least 200 more women you're not attracted to. That he has carried on his career by being a genuinely nice and accessible guy is an admirable accomplishment.
Also, Gunn is able to articulate the work ethic involved in being a successful male performer.
"You should be hard before she's in the room," he said. "It's a job."
In the 600-plus scenes he has performed since getting into porn at age 36, Gunn has certain things figured out.
"I can tell you how the pop is going to go from the beginning," he said. "I know if I'm tired, or if the chemistry is a certain way, or the way she smells, how far the load will fly."
That is exactly like my job. I know that I will end this story with "I want people to look at porn performers and not think they're somebody who had nowhere else to go" and it will be just as satisfying as shooting a ropy volley across the machine-crafted nubs of Jesse Jane.
 Writing about porn is difficult sometimes. For me, I had no interest in being a porn performer after the first scene I watched being filmed. Not that it didn't look like fun, but the work involved was considerable: standing in awkward positions under hot lights, the lack of spontaneity, delaying what wanted to come naturally (and then worrrying about aim); the fact that it was such a job became apparent the first day.
But even if I knew I didn't want it to be me on camera, my suspicion is that porn dudes in general think that the writers really want to be them.
"The media are jealous," says Jack Lawrence in his (otherwise) excellent training video Breaking Into Porn. Not true. At least not for me.
Blowjobs are like handshakes in this business, and I'll take mine without the C-light, thank you.
Which is why Gunn, who approaches the business with an older man's perspective, is such a good interview; he talks about his job like it's a job.
On Respect
"When I work with another guy's girlfriend," he said, "I want to deliver her back to her boyfriend unharmed."
On Role Models and Cutlery
"I admire Peter North, Randy West, Buck Adams, Lee Stone, and Ron Jeremy," he said. "Without those guys chopping their way through the forest, I wouldn't have this path. Now I want the machete."
On Competition
"I think Evan Stone and I are going to trade that AVN Best Male Performer award back and forth for the next few years." (Evan Stone says this too.)
On Scene Partners
"The girls have to have sex with someone, but what does it hurt you to be nice to them?"
On Career Choices
"If I'm lucky the director will ask me if I want to have sex on the couch or on the bed."
Gunn was born in New Jersey 41 years ago today, worked in Philadelphia in construction and interior design, and moved to Florida where he became a dancer.
Gunn was married to World Poker Tour hostess Shana Hiatt (with whom he appeared in a Playboy Girls of Hawaiian Tropics video prior to his porn career) and, later, to porn star Rita Faltoyano. Currently living with New Sensations contract performer Ashlynn Brooke, Gunn has turned the Woodland Hills home they share into a workshop for his other projects.
"When I was a Chippendale's dancer," he said, "I got very good at sewing. I made costumes. I replaced the velcro when the other guys needed to patch their outfits."
While working at a Miami bikini shop in 1997, he made swimwear for Janine Lindemulder and Julia Ann that they still remembered when he entered the porn business.
 Gunn has a room in which weight equipment shares space with two sewing stations.
He has also built most of a deck that features a tiki bar and a trucked-in sand beach.
 But the most impressive achievement for DIY enthusiasts is his shopping cart/battering ram for around-the-garage projects onto which he has built a platform for a circular saw.
"I like to keep busy," he said.
 It was in 2004 that Gunn, visiting L.A. with then-girlfriend, met Wicked director Brad Armstrong at the Saddle Ranch.
"How do I get into this business?" Gunn asked Armstrong, who just cocked his thumb at.
"She's your ticket," Armstrong said.
"But it didn't work out," Gunn said. "I was back on the plane to Florida. But Brad and I stayed in touch."
Gunn's first scene was with Cherokee in Wicked's Fluff And Fold and he has been working ever since.
I asked him what he wanted to do next.
"I want to win an Oscar," he said. "I'm serious."
Gunn has a protective attitude about the porn business that its employees tend to generate after a year or so on the job, when they realize the rest of the world looks at them differently but not always kindly.
"I want people to look at porn performers and not think they're somebody who had nowhere else to go."
Previously: Backstage at the XBiz Awards:A Night of Heroes; Tommy Gunn casts the first bone; Ashlynn Goes to College 2; Barbara Summer, Rita Faltoyano, and Trina Michaels look frank, surprised, and wary, respectively; Untitled Briana Banks project; O: The Power of Submission
See also: Tommy GunnLabels: Ashlynn Brooke, Buck Adams, Evan Stone, interviews, Lee Stone, male talent, Peter North, Randy West, rita faltoyano, ron jeremy, Tommy Gunn
posted by Gram the Man
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Satan wears tube socks, is also not a mom
 Wow.
You know my towering rage when women advertised as MILFs aren't actually moms, so you can imagine the sadness and hurt I felt when Satan made no appearance in Sex Slaves of Satan (say what you will about John Holmes).
Read the review here.
Previously: Meet Today's Peaches (fleshbot); Lemon cream facials; No easy way out for Body Magic
See also: VCXLabels: classic, desiree cousteau, john holmes, MILF, minireview, Satan
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, May 12, 2008--
Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie
 I much prefer the term "Cougars" for women of a certain age (say, over 40) who appear in porn movies, because "MILFs" is so often misused if one takes the "M" literally as "Mother."
But I'm realistic. I know that a Cougar in real life might be 40 or over, but adult industry shelf life dictates that a porn Cougar could be as young as 25. So I don't mind a Cougar movie filled with women who just that year became eligible to rent cars.
But no one should be advertised as a MILF (or "Momma," as in the case of this movie) unless she has actually given birth AND there is something in the movie that indicates this. Here is some award-winning dialogue I have crafted between one of Porn Valley's resident Czech Republican male performers and his authenticated MILF scene partner.
BLUTO I want to make sex on you. Sex on your holes.
MILF
Yeah? You want to do that?
BLUTO
Yes. In doing that I want. The sexing on you.
MILF
You want to put it in me?
BLUTO
Yeah
MILF
You do?
BLUTO
I just said "Yeah." Do you think I find it arousing to have to repeat myself? I don't know much English, but don't make me say the same goddamn thing twice.
MILF
I want you to put it in my birth canal, then
BLUTO
The part your son or daughter descended from, qualifying you as a MILF?
MILF
Yes, that very part, stud
See how easy it is? Just that small amount of subtle context would prevent angry consumers from suing porn companies for breach of contract, because you know how quality-minded the adult market is.
 For example, here's Francesca Le in Red Light District's Momma Knows Best. Not only does she not refer to her kids in the movie, but she also bites her finger as if she's a schoolgirl.
So what is she? The mixed messages are flying fast and furious here. What must the test audiences have said?
Previously: Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Red Light DistrictLabels: "red light district", cougar, francesca le, MILF, script
posted by Gram the Man
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Striking while the iron is hot: Meet Rylie Cyris
 While Gary Glitter did not forward this picture to me, and while I support creative expression as fundamental to maintaining our First Amendment Freedoms and for getting chicks (since cologne won't adhere to my skin, I need to resort to Creative Expression), I am a little weirded out by the fact that a Michigan model has chosen to parody an underage celebrity's name with her nom de porn choice.
Rylie Cyris does not look any more or less like Hannah Montana than did Jessica Sweet or Hillary Scott look like Britney Rears, which just goes to show that there are other things at work in porn marketing than accuracy, but I do think that Ms. Cyris, 20, is the first person to choose a porn name based on the name of a minor.
Previously: XBiz panels tackle piracy, butt piracy; It was you all along, Britney
See also: Alternative ModelingLabels: agency, business, celebrities, commentary, legal, rylie cyris
posted by Gram the Man
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--Saturday, May 10, 2008--
April Flores, Alix Lakehurst, and Mr. Skin
 Two of my favorite people talk with each other in a recent article on Mr. Skin.com.
Alix Lakehurst interviewed April Flores for the Chicago-based mainstream movie nudity website and the Kiss Attack performer talked about working with Belladonna, idolizing Rita Hayworth, and being her own favorite porn star.
Read the article here.
Previously: April Flores: Diva; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States; No Easter for Alix Lakehurst
See also: April Flores: The Skinterview; April Flores, Alix LakehurstLabels: alix lakehurst, april flores, bbw, belladonna, chicago, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, May 09, 2008--
It's not Mother's Day for Belladonna's dog
 I just wrote a very nice Mother's Day piece about Belladonna in The Naughty American, but I was horrified by how she turned a deaf ear to her little dog, Oz, today during her scene with Mr. Pete.
Regarding this Mother's Day article, I wanted Belladonna from the beginning but I also wanted to include other porn stars who I knew were moms. I asked eight other women, some of whom refused because they didn't want their fans to know they'd given birth or because they didn't want their offspring to be mentioned on an adult site (though I wouldn't print their names or use their pictures). Others said yes but then didn't respond to interview questions.
So I'm grateful to Belladonna for being so forthcoming. It makes me think of this poem:
Late October showers
Bring delicate skeleton flowers
A ghostly sight
On Halloween night
They softly glow for hours - Calef Brown
Previously: Ashley Blue channels Belladonna
See also: BelladonnaLabels: belladonna, mr. pete, pets
posted by Gram the Man
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Swiss offer no resistance
 Must be the cheese.
(Thanks to Mchael Brandvold of porn emporium Gamelink for forwarding the picture. See a larger version here.)
Previously: It's what's for dinner; Slam It in a Slut - from It's perspectiveLabels: Europe, fetish, found, hype, marital aids, switzerland
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, May 08, 2008--
What Porn Is
 I really can't think of a better picture to exemplify today's adult industry than this shot of a classy Florida dude in the back of a van showing us the assets of Meaghan Jones in a movie called Real Roadside Ho's.
The only thing that would have made it better would be a couple of Red Bull cans rolling around the truck bed and half a package of Costco Fleet Enemas.
The closest Costco to Ft. Lauderdale is in neighboring Davie.
For those of you who don't watch a lot of pornography, this picture is the equivalent to the limos high school students rent on their prom night, vomiting out of the moon roof the length of your town's main street, screaming FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.
The important thing to remember is that Jones looks happy.
Previously: A Small gallery of trucks used as coitus surfaces in Hustler videos
See also: New Porn OrderLabels: classy, florida, meaghan jones
posted by Gram the Man
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While GramPonante.com is written for a tenth-grade reading level (in some countries), you must be 18 years or older to visit this site. Sorry.
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