How To Dehumidify Your European Debauchery Mansion

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(A version of this article also appears on Gamelink’s Naked Truth)

This week features a smorgasbord of porn, whereas some weeks there’s like a bunch of the same type of thing. A casual stroll through our list reveals entries from Europe, Lollapalooza-circa-1999, and Transylvania, if you know what I mean.

Follow along as Playboy Radio’s Lexi Stetzel delivers the week’s most popular movies as determined by Gamelink customers.

Because so many porn starlets have tattoos now, our first title is like a movie from 2002 called “Shaved Pussies.” But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to watch! It’s

LEX’S TATTOOED VIXENS

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Truth is, it’s not 2005 anymore, and most porn girls have at least one tattoo. That means that if you’re going to base a porn movie on a tattooed vixen, she’d better be covered head to foot like “Memento” meets “The Piano” or, you know, “Pimento.” But that’s not the case in this movie. This cast of mostly newcomers would have been very comfortable in a Rancid video from 2002 or a shockabilly concert in 1994: They’re pale, fleshy, badass white girls jumping on the masterful black dude Lexington Steele, a veteran performer. It’s like he opened up a photo album from the first Coachella and said, “I’d like to fuck THAT.” And you know what? So do we.

Number Four this week travels to Eastern Europe to a glorious home the producers probably rented for like five bucks: It’s

THE DEBAUCHERY MANSION

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A name like “The Debauchery Mansion” should elicit in the cultured porn consumer an image of long-leggedy Eurovixens done up in the most uncomfortable lingerie. And you’d be right! No American porn movie in the last 20 years would think to call itself “The Debauchery Mansion,” simply because whatever Encino rental they filmed it in would have been torn down and rebuilt at least three times since then. But our friend Gazzman got himself all the finest Eastern bloc cuties to hole up—literally—in a mansion across the Atlantic for this elegant fuckfest from Marc Dorcel.

Our Fap 5 Threeway is up from Number Four last week and involves one of my favorite terms in pornography, art, politics, and religion: It’s

MY FIRST CREAMPIE NUMBER SIX

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Who can forget your first creampie? I can’t. It happened right here in this studio! DIRTY. What? You don’t know what a creampie is? Well, it’s sex the way God intended, with the dude busting a nut inside the “vagina,” as we call it, of the lady, and then watching as it drips back out. So it’s both faith AND proof, right there on the same mattress! This movie wins our Fap 5 Cover of the Week, too, because we just want to do all sorts of things to Mila Blaze.

Debuting at Number Two is the latest installment in a beloved series about the ass:

JULES JORDAN’S ASS WORSHIP 16

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The first image that caught my eye on this ass-tastic cover was that of the sassy and assy Anikka Albrite, but then when my eyes adjusted to all the ass I spied the ultra-bendy Mia Malkova right up there in the top middle and knew that that was the scene I felt compelled to see. IT WAS ALL WORTH IT.

Finally, our Top of the Faps this week again involves transsexuals—as it tends to many weeks—but this week features a newcomer to the tranny porn racket:

LeWOOD’s SHE-MALE PERVERTS

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I’m beholden to point out that the terms “tranny” and “she-male” are frowned upon by many people who do not self-identify as trannies or she-males or are not fans of this genre of porn. Fortunately, the people starring in this zesty movie all proudly identify as “trannies” and “she-males,” which means you do not have to feel extra-guilty enjoying it.

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