“I’m (still) going to go (back) to a world where I have sex with beautiful women every day,” Deen says.

Der VerSpanken: Any marital aid that has a German name is all right by me, because I’m racist that way, and I know the Germans mean business.

Watching “Trashy,” an unapologetically fantastic piece of porn featuring delightfully modified harlots having sex in uncomfortable places, I realized that the recent trend of comparatively wholesome porn—women in sunlit bedrooms peeling off their boyfriends’ t-shirts and kicking off their sneakers to fuck on a comforter—is still just a fetish.

I’m always sad when the new “Performers of the Year” rolls out. Even though Lexi Belle and Asa Akira carried over from “Performers of the Year 2012,” it makes me wonder if Kagney Linn Karter, Kristina Rose, Jayden Jaymes, and Gracie Glam are on a junk heap somewhere being crushed into cubes.

Gram Ponante profiles three books worth reading, two that tell us about how we got here and one that wonders why we stay.

“The Art of Blowjob” was as pleasant a surprise as a blowjob itself.

You know how there’s no atheists in foxholes? That has nothing to do with barrio bitches and their buttholes.

Gram Ponante reviews “Skip Trace 2,” featuring some giddily violent scenes between Nacho Vidal, Charley Chase, and Jynx Maze

You don’t have to be familiar with the Ice Cube/Chris Tucker source material to enjoy the living shit out of this “Official” parody. You only need to know that Ice Cube and Chris Tucker were in it.

“Well, we’re good girls,” says underpantsless Lisa, “but whatever we can’t give you, we make up in enthusiasm.”

At the devices of Rebecca Reynolds, Julie Simone gets redder and redder still in “50 Shades of Red,” a fine bit of revenge bondage that involves so much candle wax and slapping that you’d swear you were home for the holidays.

…So where is our “Rats in a maze, men in a cage” movie extrapolated from that quip in “Tango & Cash” and starring Katsuni in the porn version?

In the middle of the California desert, beautiful women frolic on sensual furniture. We wonder: Who took the rest of their stuff? But then we think: If they’re happy, we’re happy.

I’m convinced that the future of porn most reliably rests in first-person adventures like Dani Daniels’ “Dare,” in which the movie is all about the personality of its star.

She’s just been in a handful of movies since alighting on the adult industry in early 2012, but Bonnie Rotten has already landed a very flattering star vehicle in Digital Sin’s “Meet Bonnie.” Why did the ultra-inked Ohioan absolutely deserve her own movie? Because she’s a porn star we can get behind.

We’re watching masters at work, and they need room to spread out.

In an attempt to please her inappropriately sexualized father, a woman is initiated into a dangerous business while in a questionable state of mind by two masked men who have sex with her. Perhaps “Batgirl XXX” is a metaphor for porn in general.

If 2 Live Crew met actual talent, they might have created a song like XL’s “Mean Bitches.”

Keep reminding yourself that “Elements of Desire” is 19 years old.

Perhaps Nina does love Ron, but then they go and fuck a bunch of other people and never see each other again.