Next week Kayden Kross will film her final movie for Adam & Eve before moving to Digital Playground next year. She will play Tiger Woods’ hot, grieving wife, Elin Nordegren.
“I’m thrilled that they’re giving me this project,” Kross said. “It’s very cool of Adam & Eve to pass along this last press opportunity.”
But Holly Sampson, the porn performer and escort reputed to be Woods’ “seventh mistress,” refused to be involved in “Tiger’s Wood.”
“Holly was actually above it all,” said director David Lord. “I asked and she respectfully didn’t want any part of taking advantage of the situation. I was pleasantly shocked.”
Kross will play opposite Tyler Knight as the errant Tiger.
“I normally despise Hollywood gossip but I’m sitting in a nail salon as we speak doing my Tiger Woods homework,” Kross said. “I’m gonna be the best porn-Elin there ever was.”
Many have wondered why Tiger Woods would stray from the delicious Elin Nordegren for blowsy cocktail waitresses and reputation-besmirching, sponsorship-threatening porn stars, but availability trumps familiarity in a Darwinian world.
Not only do Nordegren and Kross look a lot alike, but Adam & Eve is also endeavoring to capture the pathos of the Tiger Woods scandal.
“In an effort to maintain that ‘realistic scenario’ thing we all strive for in porn these days,” Kross said, “I will not be having sex with my husband.”
So Adam & Eve gives a final opportunity to Kayden, Kross delivers a final performance for the company she was the public face of for two years, and Holly Sampson demures from cashing in on Tiger in a porn parody.
It is as if the spirit of the season has covered the porn industry with wholesomeness.
Lord is still scratching his head over Sampson.
“Imagine a porn star not wanting attention and money and making a decision on a moral basis,” he said. “Amazing.”
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tiger’s Wonder Years
See also: Adam & Eve
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“In an effort to maintain that ‘realistic scenario’ thing we all strive for in porn these days,” Kross said, “I will not be having sex with my husband.”
You are not fooling anyone! Everyone knows you refuse to work with black men. That is the real reason. Stop insulting the readers. Tiger was also having sex with his wife. That is why he has 2 kids with her you racist bimbo.
So what!!!! She doesn’t want to fuck black men, deal with it. Not like it aint disgusting sucking black dick, at least I could only imagine.
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It isn’t necessarily racist if you’re not attracted to people outside your own race.
I’m not attracted to overweight women and probably couldn’t have sex with one; it doesn’t mean I hate them or think they’re inferior. They’re just not attractive to me.
I agree that lack of attraction does not equal racism. But I’d also suggest that the business decisions that govern who a performer works with might be a kind of institutional racism, suggesting and perpetuating the idea that scenes with African Americans aren’t worth as much. It’s a tough call, because if Kayden or Jesse or Tera or Stoya worked with black guys, the first scene would be touted as “HER FIRST INTERRACIAL,” which both addresses the essential hyperbole of porn (which has to be accepted or it will drive you crazy) and doesn’t do anyone any favors.
SHE HAS THAT RIGHT WHO SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH GRANT YOU THAT BUT BEING A RACIST DOESN’T CUT FACT DURING THE REVOLUTIONARY OF 1776 THERE WERE 5000 AFRO AMERICAN THAT FOUGHT FOR FREEDOM IN THIS COUNTRY TO PROTECT EVERYBODY RIGHTS SHE NEEDS STUDY SOME HISTORY BECAUSE WE ARE FROM 10 DECENT PEOPLE ON THE DAM PLANET EVEN MOSES WAS BLACK THERE HAS BEEN A MIXTURE OF RACIST EVEN BEFORE CHRIST YOU KNOW I AM BLACK BUT IF YOU TOOK ME & A CAUCASIAN I BELIEVE THE TERM IS CORRECT CUT BOTH OF OUR HEADS OF CUT THE SKIN OFF OF US HUNG THE BOTH OF US UP LET ME SEE NOW OUR BLOOD IS RED THE MEAT IS RED SO IN THE HELL COULD YOU TELL WHOSE WHO TELL HER TO READ THE CIVIL RIGHTS OF 1866 FOR AFRO AMERICAN UNTIL THAT DUMB ASS ANDREW JACKSON VOTE THE DAM THING YES I AM A HISTORY MAJOR I ALSO SERVE IN THAT SHIT WAR VIET NAM TO IF YOUR GOING TO DIS LIKE SOMEONE DON’T LET IT BE BECAUSE OF THERE COLOR OF SKIN
Thank you, Governor Perry.