2014: Why Nudity Matters

By 2014, technology had advanced to the point that one could visit a porn website simply to see the pictures and not need words to describe what was scrolling past. As America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, I briefly worried that I might be out of a job, because no longer did people require my insightful commentary on the Kampyle of Eudoxus curve of an A-cup boobie, what had been squirted on the floor, or the thing I encountered in the elevator. Now they could just see it. Luckily I was trained to use an iPhone and was, as we say in Porn Valley, vertically integrated.

Yes, friends, the images on this page were captured entirely by an iPhone 5c. I used to be the guy with the big Nikon and the 70mm lens, looking down my nose at the sweating jerks taking snaps with their phones, until Cytherea squirted on my camera and I was like Fuck It. Plus, I figured, Rape Culture being what it is, I wanted a device that respected the line of the taut contours of the standard pornstress rib cage and thigh, rather than something shoved, penetrative and trigger warning-free, into her pinkening grotto.

Here is a bicoastal selection of 50 or so photos capturing Porn As It Was in 2014: its conventions, its film shoots, its private moments, and public interactions. Will you become a better person for scrolling through, marveling at the heaving nature of everything on Alexis Texas, wishing you had been perched in the sink with me in Las Vegas, wondering if you could still clone John Holmes off some part of Veronica Hart? Yes, you will.