Fap 5 Friday: Dip in the Jizz Edition

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(A version of this article also appears on Gamelink’s Naked Truth)

Remember last week how there was almost no anal and no transsexuals on the Fap 5 countdown? Well we could shove all last week up the ass of this week and then fuck it, because this week is all about filthy things, like fucking your stepsister, anal sex, and trannies who look like your stepsister that you fuck in the ass. Perfect for Tax Day. Follow along as Playboy Radio’s Lexi Stetzel delivers the week’s most popular movies as determined by Gamelink customers.

Dropping from Number One last week to number five (it got punished because it was so DIRTY), is a family favorite:

THE FAMILY DYNAMIC

GAMELINK FAP 5 Sporting an intriguing cover photograph of the enchanting Allie Rae, this 6-hour compilation of what the porn industry is calling “family parodies”—I’m serious—contains more self-conscious uses of the word “step” than you’d hear at the Braille Institute. Not that we don’t find thoughts of trysts with our hot stepsisters and stepmoms intriguing, but movies like “Taboo” just went ahead and said “Yeah, he fucked his mother” 30 years ago. You should watch it, though, because Allie Rae is way hotter than your mother.

The title on Number Four’s boxcover is arranged in building blocks. It has to be:

BABYSIT MY ASS 5

Gamelink Fap 5 We have to acknowledge that, now and then, porn can be — WAIT FOR IT! — creepy. While all participants are of course over 18, the fact that the boxcover is designed like the messageboard of a daycare would be problematic if we weren’t looking at porn stars getting fucked up the ass. Actually, here’s what it says on the back: “The most luscious sluts in the porn biz get down and dirty, pleasuring big, throbbing cocks to the best of their rectal abilities.” I got my Associate’s in Rectal Abilities!

Usually when it comes to Number three, we say “Fap 5 threeway.” But a threeway is tame compared to:

CHRIS STREAMS ORGY MASTERS 17

Gamelink Fap 5 Holy fuck! Remember the last time you had an orgy and a bunch of orgy amateurs showed up, getting jizz in the dip and dip in the jizz? “Never again!” I bet you said. That is why you need the professional ladies of “Orgy Masters” who, like the members of Menudo, keep changing.

Our Number Two is appropriately numbered BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT THE ANUS:

MIKE ADRIANO’S ALL DAY ANAL

Gamelink Fap 5 Mike Adriano likes the ass. He likes fleshy young lady ass, in particular. For about 10,000 years Mike Adriano has gone after fleshy young lady ass and documented it for the rest of us and, you know what? We aren’t jealous of him. We’re all like: “You GO, Mike Adriano, right up that ass! And break some of that Italian Valentina Nappi off for Playboy Radio listeners while you’re at it.”

We are proud to inform you that Number One this week features THE RETURN OF TRANNIES:

JAY SIN’S TS PLAYGROUND 17

Gamelink Fap 5 Transsexual porn has been a perennial bestseller ever since it debuted in the 1990s, and people like Gianna Rivera are why. Adorning the cover of Jay Sin’s latest trantastic escapade, Rivera looks like a bubbly SoCal girl in a powder blue bikini whose dick happens to have unraveled.

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