“My body is completely smooth and opening-free below the neck,” reports No-Gender Activist Drax Glabrous. “I don’t even know how I’ve been going to the bathroom for the past six years. And yet not one Non-Gonaded Person walked away with a trophy.”
The AVN Awards, sometimes known as The Oscars of Porn unless XBiz is writing the story, have overwhelmingly gone to demonstrably-vaginaed-or-enpenised individuals since the founding of the annual event in 1984.
People like Glabrous—who creates very little drag when swimming—think it’s time for a change.
“I want to see porn featuring people like me,” Glabrous says, proposing that the genitalia-free monster cast of David Cronenberg’s “The Brood” receives a lifetime achievement award, or at least recognition in the form of “Not David Cronenberg’s The Brood XXX,” or something. “There has to be at least one other person in the United States who’s hung like a mannequin.”
To this end, Glabrous created the #AVNSoGendered hashtag following December’s heavily-sexed AVN Award nominees announcement. Nonad received zero retweets that did not come from nonad’s own account.
“Nonad is the pronoun I use for myself,” Glabrous says. “It’s clever and effective and not confusing at all.”
But AVN, which distributes hundreds of awards based on more than a thousand yearly nominations, doesn’t see the profit in porn for pubeless people.
“We receive and review loads of adult movies every year,” AVN’s Loup Perch-Tounge says. “We don’t really see a market for performers with no sexual characteristics. I said ‘loads’.”
Glabrous disagrees. “I would actually buy porn featuring performers who resembled me and would rub one out,” nonad says. “Whatever ‘one’ is.”
“There’s a difference between a movie that is unwatchable because it is not even slightly sexually stimulating and one featuring characters that have no genitals,” Perch-Tounge continues. “But we go way back with Wicked Pictures, so we’ve gotta throw them something.”
In the meantime, Drax Glabrous maintains a lonely campaign, hoping for the day when non-gendered performers enjoy the instant recognition, career satisfaction, and spending power as nonad’s Asian, Black, MILF, gay, straight, transsexual, BBW, Latina, or hairy counterparts.
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