Porn Star Bowling, like Porn Star anything, is worth the price of admission. Kickass Pictures has fielded a team of bowlers, taking advantage of the summer filming slump to “practice”.
Meet your bowlers, and read the code of ethics they’ll be bowling for, after the gap.
“Bare Bowling” will take place at some yet to be disclosed alley in Porn Valley on September 2. The event will putatively benefit an organization called Protecting Adult Welfare (PAW), the website of which is adorned with teddy bears.
While porn personalities are often sweet and kind, they are never, ever children. Addressing them with the type of imagery commonly used to attract children is wrongheaded, even if PAW is trying to make the point that porners are “just adult juvenile delinquents”, which may have been true in a different generation, but is not now.
Miss Kitty has been in porn about a month, having moved from Texas. I met her on the set of a Pussy Party recently. Kick Ass prides itself on its “No Implants” (or French tips) rule, but I see it has not gone so far as to ban tattoos.
The bowlers will be playing for a rigid belief system.
The “Ten Commandments of XXX”, published on PAW’s webpage, are in equal parts logical, random, and self-serving. Number Ten, “Be Loyal to Your Original Agent”, clearly reflects the worldview of (former?) PAW trustee Jim South, founder of the late World Modeling, for years the first place hopeful porn talent would go upon disembarking from the Greyhound. What this rule really means is “Don’t ever leave World Modeling”.
Despite Misti Love’s being less bare than her teammates, the coaching staff is confident she’ll remove her warmup suit for the competition.
Rule Nine is “Don’t Sign a Model Release until You’ve Been Paid”. This is great advice in that no producer can make a sale unless a performer has signed off on his or her appearance in a film. I have never been to a set in which performers have been paid before signing a model release, however. Even in the days of under the table cash transactions the paperwork got signed and the sex got had long before money got paid.
Number Six is my favorite, and I quote it verbatim:
You Are Being Paid To Be Cooperative
Remember that the screenwriter, producer and director have hired you to do a project that they envision. Most of them have spent hours developing a project that you could ruin in minutes by being uncooperative. Although most film-makers will listen to constructive criticism, or ask for some creative input, be very tactful and never forget that they are paying you to be in their project, not the opposite. Also be courteous, friendly and respectful of your co-workers. Prima donna attitudes are not tolerated easily. It can lead to less work simply because nobody wants to be “stuck on a set with a bitch … Or an asshole”.
Despite the fact that most porn screenwriters have never done the hiring, I like that this rule mentions that the producers have spent “hours” getting things together, and that the talent should be quiet, respectful, and meek. Extra points for “envision”. “Prima donna attitudes are not tolerated easily” has been true on every set I’ve visited but one.
I don’t know anything about Isabella de la Cruz other than she doesn’t look like Earl Anthony.
PAW’s rules were mostly written by a person who had a big problem with my mentioning to the police that I was assaulted on a porn set. You can read his defense of the fictitious “Family of X” here.
As with all charities, it is important to make sure the money raised by Bare Bowling actually goes to adult performers in distress. Amicably request an accounting from PAW organizers of how your money will be spent while you pray for splits.
Previously: (Pop) Shot in the foot
See also: The Ten Commandments of XXX, Kick Ass Pictures
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