Publicist: Honolulu secedes in honor of Thorn homecoming

Nautica Thorn is heading to her native Hawaii this weekend for appearances at a video store and a strip club. Also, according to her publicist, the city of Honolulu is going to break off from Oahu and become its own island.

They say you can never go home, but Hawaii’s very own Nautica Thorn will return to her native island of Honolulu for an in store appearance at Diamond Head Video and a one night feature dance engagement at Club 939.

Honolulu, then, will become the ninth major island of the chain, supporting itself almost entirely by “Dog: The Bounty Hunter” syndication and the Jack Lord Memorial Poi-Off, as well as Thorn’s strip club appearances.

Honolulu has already begun detaching from the Pacific Plate in anticipation of Thorn’s arrival.

“My publicist is slower than tectonic uplift,” Thorn did not say.

Previously: Nautica to smoke in boys’ room; Nautica Thorn is neither Mika Tan nor Mya Luanna
See also: Nautica Thorn

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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