ReBelle Rousers and their genomes

Because it was right across the street (I live at the Del Taco), I attended the viral marketing party for Vivid-Alt’s ReBelle Rousers party last night at SilverLake’s Bigfoot Lodge.

It was, at first, difficult getting in, as the door was guarded by this Suicide Girl. She bade me answer questions three.

1. What is Alt Porn?

2. Spinners or MILFs?

3. What is the future of adult business publicity?

Thinking quickly, I chopped off her head and entered the ropey area. There I met doomed Hustler correspondent Paul A. Johnson, who shrieked and shrieked. I’d had a haircut, you see.

I met the tattooed Michelle Aston, newish to porn but not to self-promotion.

“I am a neuroscientist by training. I worked in stem cell research until funding started drying up. I had an artistic fit and went to Venice Beach to create art. My successful studio burned down. I became an escort and dominatrix. I hated escorting. I go all around the world. There is nothing I like more than teasing, inflicting pain, and then squirting all over the bar. I started in porn at 34.”

She talks like Lurk Ford writes. I asked her more about genomes.

“It’s like we have the language but we can’t write the book. We have to break it up into articles or chapters. We can use proteonomics to suffuse an area with protein to discover – “

<--here I had an aneurysm-->

” – all around the world. I met John Stagliano and nearly dropped dead. He was dancing with a skirt on. I said ‘I love how comfortable you are with your sexuality’ and he didn’t realize I’d actually shot for him in Europe. I sold all my bondage equipment when I moved to Chatsworth. The scene out here is pretty tame. They don’t know what they’re doing. In New York they put knives up your ass. There’s blood play. There’s no e-mail lists, it’s a phone list. And it’s very, very secret.”

Do dominatrices ever listen??

I went to get a drink. Inside the Bigfoot Lodge my glasses fogged up. It was not because of the proximity of so many pinups and dangerous girls, but because it was hot like a crowded coyote’s van and I was a bag of heroin stuck up someone’s sweaty ass.

“Hi,” I said to DCypher.

“I don’t read the Internet anymore,” he said.

“That’s probably good,” I said.

We talked about not getting paid for things. Had it been a douche commercial, we would have wept openly, so in sync were our frustrations.

Later the silver-tongued devil charmed a Janis Joplin lookalike. “We could go nowhere together,” he said, and she became all pensive and quivery.

The Internet’s Own Dana DeArmond was there. When will she realize that MySpace friends aren’t real friends? Actually that’s probably much more true for me; I couldn’t call up my MySpace friends and stay on their couch. She could stay in their pants.

Her right hand had been mangled in a thresher.

Outside, the tricorder-tattooed Pixie Pearl of Joanna’s Angels 2 fame lounged angularly on a motorcycle. She is striking. But she is from New York. New York – well New York has it’s way with people.

Kimberly Kane posed on a car. Satine Phoenix posed on a car. Oh to be a car.


Rebelle Rousers director Octavio “Winkytiki” Arizala looked like he had been chasing the dragon.

“I’m so tired,” he said. “So tired. When did you get here?”

“An hour ago.”

“I’m so tired. Are you having a good time (so tired)?”

“That woman Satine just climbed up me like she was Kong.”

“So tired.”

ReBelle Rousers will be released next week.

Previously: Lexi Bardot twice; The fever for the flavor of a skater; Crissy Moran and Angie Savage in different underpants; ReBelle Rousers preview
See also: Vivid-Alt

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. Thank you, sir. Here’s some more: did Adam and Eve have belly buttons? If Mary was a virgin mom, would she have qualified as a MILF, providing she was attractive? Also, if I weren’t going to Hell already, would posting this in a comment box qualify?

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