Studio: Private
Director: Kink.com
Starring: Peter Acworth, Princess Donna, Mr. Big, Maestro, Bella Rossi, Sarah Shevon, Sindee Jennings, Annie Cruz, Chery Torn, Catrina Cummings, Lilla Katt, Hollie Stevens, Savannah West, Amber Keen, Mason, Mark Davis, Mr. Pete, Derrick Pierce, John Strong, Mister Torn, Ed Vincent, Curt Wooster, Dean Strong, Trina Cox, Ryker, Danger Girl, Amber Rayne
Peter Acworth has a problem. He has impulsively made a promise to a very big client that he will film an epic swinger orgy at the massive Armory Building in San Francisco, which he happens to own as president of Kink.com.
Once he gets the go-ahead to begin shooting, he must then populate the event and dress the room, two things that anyone who knows Peter Acworth also knows he will have no problem doing. But, for purposes of this delightful, documentary-style porn Kink.com made in association with Private, we watch the British Acworth get all Hugh Grant nebbishy and tie himself into knots as the big day gets closer.
He approaches the always interesting Princess Donna in a bar. Here she plays a forgotten trophy wife. In a line that I will use shamelessly, he says, “If you are short of something to do, you should come to my sex party.”
Various storylines unfold: a “Pina Colada”-style “I didn’t know that you liked sex in public” misunderstanding between Mark Davis and his doctor (both show up at the Armory at the same time), a husband who thinks his wife is a prude, even though she looks exactly like Princess Donna, and a hapless cameraman whose real dream is to be in front of the camera, you know, fucking (when put to the test, he can’t unload in time but, unlike in most porn, this fellow has a story arc).
Kink.com, which is known for hardcore fetish sites like Ultimate Surrender, Wired Pussy, and Men In Pain, is no stranger to suspension–as in naked girls dangling from ropes–but this is suspension of disbelief. We gladly check our cynicism at the door as the movie asks us to forget things we already know but then charmingly ties everything back together.
Orgy Day comes and the Armory looks great. A group of naked porn stars arrive, such as Sindee Jennings, Annie Cruz (rarely seen in Porn Valley anymore–it’s good to know where she’s been hiding), the adorable Sarah Shevon, beautiful, lush redheads Bella Rossi and Cherry Torn, and reliable porn dudes Mr. Pete and Derrick Pierce, all of them there to get the party started.
And that is what the final 80 percent of “A Real Swinger’s Orgy” is: fucking, mixed with unobtrusive but satisfying plot resolutions.
Mark Davis, veteran woodsman that he is, cannot resist giving directions in a manner that would get a younger man kicked out of bed. Acworth, ever the fidgety host, flits here and there with seltzer bottles and drink orders, Sindee Jennings can be heard shrieking across the room, soaking all that nice antique furniture. At one point Mr. Pete is servicing Shevon (“Don’t fuck me back or I’ll come”) when he hears Jennings caterwaul across the room and he shoots her a dirty look.
If this movie had been made 300 miles south in Los Angeles, the lights would have been too bright and the checks could not have been cashed fast enough. But we really are convinced that “A Real Swinger’s Orgy” is the real deal, even with a little help from the pros.
So if you’re not short of something to do, you should really watch this sex party.
See also: The Upper Floor and underground of Kink.com
Portions of this review also appeared on Fleshbot
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