Anals of Porn Piracy: Stealing smut the analog way

Gram Ponante Towers, Widow’s Walk, Whaling Museum, Crab Shack, & Harpoonerie is changing addresses. Why? Because people are stealing porn the old-fashioned way.

Earlier this year I moved to a beautiful new office by the Pacific Ocean which, if you read your atlas, is the world’s most popular body of water. Immediately upon moving there, though, shit started disappearing.

A Hustler magazine, an Entertainment Weekly, a whole box of Evil Angel videos, the Rolling Stone with Sir Paul McCartney on the cover, several DVDs containing the words “Phat Black Azz,” something from the Apple Store, and Alexis Texas herself all de-materialized from my sea-swept doorstep. And, like Matt Hooper, I know this was no boating accident.

But it was piracy just the same.

Remember this, Readers: even though your postal carrier cannot be trusted not to read your mail (I have this on good authority), he or she is pretty good at actually delivering it. That is why screeners and review material should now be delivered to the address on this page.