Help Angelina Armani learn to love L.A.

Angelina Armani is Digital Playground’s newest contract performer. I met her while I was walking through Hollywood, solving crimes.

“I’ve just been here two months,” she said. She moved here from New York and was approached by Digital Playground operatives after they saw her in the crowd at last month’s Pirates 2 premiere.

“Actually, I was at a Starbucks in Sherman Oaks even earlier than that and (Digital Playground co-owner) Joone saw me. When I went in for the interview he even described what I had been wearing.”

I asked Armani if, in order to get her contract, she had to have a Highlander-style showdown with Shay Jordan, whom I’ve heard is no longer with the company (and who doesn’t appear on the Pirates 2 boxcover).

“Why?” she said. “What have you heard?”

I hadn’t heard anything, actually, but, as I was told by Digital Playground’s publicist, “it’s not like we send out a press release when we terminate someone’s contract.” I thought it would have been interesting to at least see an 8 Mile-style rap-off.

“I notice that trademark symbol hanging above your head. Have you ever performed as anyone other than Armani?” I asked.

No,” she said, “Monday will be Angelina ArmaniTM‘s first movie.”


A few months ago, I was talking with Porn Valley mover and shaker Alexander “Monstar” Raymond and he was telling me all about this new woman he was representing named Arianna Armani. “She’s beautiful,” he said, and showed me her picture on his iPhone device.

So, when Armani signed her Digital Playground contract she changed her first name.

While the whole useless manipulation of information thing gets me down vis a vis porn companies, in this particular case it is fortuitous, because I am going to begin performing as Arianna Armani.

Regardless of what her name is, Armani is delightful. But she needs your help. She lives in Studio City-adjacent, but doesn’t know the territory. She relies on other people to drive her around. Where should she go for the best hamburger? Coffee? Movies? Where should she buy her accessory dog? What is the best pie at Hoiuse of Pies? Who is a trustworthy bail bondsman? Where can she get the best New York-style pizza? Are there bars where it is safe to be a Yankees fan?

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Shay Jordan rechristened Shay J; Stoya finds cigarettes, pierogies in Philadelphia; Thomas AquinasTM becomes Digital Playground contract saint
See also: Angelina Armani

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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