If you’ve ever wanted to turn on your computer (and when I say “turn on” I mean in a sexual sense!!1LOLZ!), go here. It’s all of Deep Throat rendered in ascii.
I don’t know why anyone would want to do that either.
Also on the ancient-computer-sex front, electronic historian Jason Scott has compiled this collection of sex guides and dirty stories written and distributed in the pre-Internet days of 1980s BBS systems. The yearning for sexual intimacy among these never-gonna-get-laid Reagan-era geeks is at once hilarious and oddly touching; each “surefire sex guide” and erotic story is like a picture-window into the hidden desires and frustrated dreams of old-school nerds, and really, aren’t we all old-school nerds at heart?
Here’s the opening from one of my favorites, “The Art of Sex” by Cloaked Warrior:
“Well here we go. To have sex with a girl (I assume the readers of this file are men, boys, and lesbians) the EASIEST way is to go to a local cemetary.”
…and some timeless advice from The Complete Guide to Laying a Girl V1.1:
“Sneak you hand under her skirt and pat her back.
If she wears a bra put you hand under the stripe (the one
above her back – but don’t open it – let your hand travel under
the bra surface and forward to her tits. Don’t touch hard there –
it hurts. If she resists get you hand out of there quickly.
We will continue later with this. Give her 10 minutes of rest
from the last event. Talk about something else.
(Remember – Don’t ask her why she resists. Just ignore.)”
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