Mika Tan starred in the first porn movie I ever saw being filmed, which might have been the first porn movie I ever saw. And she was great then, too.
Today on the set of Ernest Greene’s The Perfect Secretary: Training Day, Tan suggested ways for costars Marco Banderas and Chris Cannon to make an irregular fraction of her.
“First off, this desk is gonna break,” she said. Indeed, the office furniture that Banderas and Cannon were double-teaming her on seemed to have been purchased at El Ikea in Tijuana. The threesome decided to adjourn to a pair of pleather chairs.
“How much DP do we have?” asked Greene of the crew. In order to both market and edit a porn movie, there must be a certain amount of time allotted for each position and in angles both “hard” and “soft,” so that there can be a useable cable version.
“We need four more minutes,” said cameraman Ralph Parfait.
“OK,” Tan said, corralling her costars. “You bang me here and you stand over here. I’ll stand this way and hold on to the wall? Then we’ll get on the chair.”
After a minute of this, it became clear that both Tan and Cannon were uncomfortable (Banderas was on a chair).
“Allright,” Tan said to Banderas. “I’ll lie back on you and Chris will put his leg up there…”
This also worked for a minute but Tan became concerned that she was grinding her tailbone into Banderas’ chest (despite his pain, Banderas was great about offering numerous thumbs up signs to the camera, a gesture that always draws viewers in to the special world porn performers inhabit).
“I feel like I’m crushing you with my vestigial tail,” Tan said.
At this point Nina Hartley, who was working as production manager, rushed in and Baby-Wiped everyone who needed it.
“The taint is a Go,” she said.
Finally (and just in time for Easter) both guys dropped loads on Tan’s chest as she leaned back in a cruciform position. It was a high output day.
“I’ve been holding that for two hours,” Cannon said.
It’s important to point out, if you didn’t know this already, that porn is taxing work for everyone involved. As much as you want to have sex with Mika Tan and do horrible/wonderful things to all her cushiony places, it is an effort to do so 1.) on office furniture, 2.) under hot lights, 3.) in sweaty tandem with another dude, and 4.) not arc your descendants in a ropy volley within 45 seconds of her dress coming off.
And for Tan?
“My ass is sore,” she said.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Mika Tan Fights for America, Whores, and the Right to Film Sex with Asian Men; The Cropping and flogging of O
See also: Adam & Eve, Mika Tan, Marco Banderas, Nina Hartley
Funny stuff. I like it.