Perhaps the indifferent gods stood by while the Persians killed their husbands, but at least “The Four” still have their nipples.

This movie delivers exactly what the title promises

I don’t need to tell you how comfortable and life-affirming it is to sit with scantily-clad women as they giggle, tweet, text, take photos of each other, and shove candy in their mouths.

It was boobs mixed with low expectations that made grindhouse films a cherished bit of Americana.

Did the person who names Adam & Eve movies sit through half of a cultural sensitivity class before he remembered he worked for a porn company?

What do you really know about the professions of thuggery and mind control? Maybe those people naturally have sex all the time.

I turn to a colleague and say, “Her ass is like a miracle of science.”

“Yes,” he says.

Of course, no one does cocaine in the porn industry anymore. It’s all straightedge now.

“Vanilla Sky” meets “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” in the vagina of Inari Vachs

Jay Ashley’s Sal reminds me of the unkempt line art guy in Alex Comfort’s “The Joy of Sex.”

“Teagan Takes Control” succeeds in that everyone looks good at all times, especially Teagan, who suddenly seems like a real, and therefore sexier, person on screen

“I was pretty sure what I liked and hated before I got to porn, one of the many advantages of waiting until I was 25 before starting.”

That’s like when I was 2, ate all the fudge, had chocolate all over me, and told my mother the dog had shat on my face.

As America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, I am delighted to tell you that most porn stars are much cooler in person than they seem in their movies, where they can often appear retarded.