Porner’s Almanac – week two

This week’s Porner’s Almanac podcast concerns the sleight-of-boob antics of Jenna Jameson and Mattel’s selective persecution of China Barbie.

The delightful Joanna Cachapero of XBiz wrote an article about last week’s podcast launch and I entertained the notion of taking myself seriously, like everyone else who hires a secretary in this business and sends out a press release about it.

So I gamely provided a porn star boilerplate response.

Read it after the gap.

“The podcast has been up for two hours on iTunes and the offers are already rolling in. I’ve been working all the time. I’ve got the affiliate program set up and my boyfriend’s building my website,” Ponante said, with his tongue planted firmly in his cheek.

“I’m taking a meeting with Derek and P.T.’s writing a movie for me. I’m going to set up a fan portal and funnel an ad server through it. I’m living the dream. It’ll be bigger than Bad Seed. I’m hosting a party at Privilege. I’m sending out my own press releases. I’ve just signed several contract stars to million-dollar podcast deals. The harem has never been happier,” he said.

Somebody wrote, “I didn’t know you were gay. Do you simulate sex with Jenny Hendrix to throw people off the trail?”

No, I’m not gay. How do I know? Because your suggesting I’m gay doesn’t make me want to beat you up.

After anything is written about me in a publication that is not AVN, I can be assured of receiving a venomous little chestnut from someone at AVN. The other day I got this, with the subject heading “Prairie Homo Companion” and which quoted another part of the article:

Good luck with your PODCAST, Gram “One Too Many I-Knows” Potato!

Asked if he feels like most adult aficionados are familiar with Keillor, Ponante responded with his usual witty prose.

“I know that when I leave work at 7 p.m. and drive home while being serviced by some hot prostie I’ve installed by the floorboards of my Putty H3, I know I’m listening to Garrison Keillor,” he said. “I can’t imagine that other porn consumers aren’t exactly the same way.”

OK, well good luck with EUROPE.


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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


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