Take the Adultcon Challenge!

One of the saddest things about the porn industry and, by extension, Hollywood, is encountering people or whole organizations who get angry with you for not having heard of them.

Like you, I want to get deep into the creamy center of Britney Rears. I called her handlers. Shari (last name withheld) of AllMediaPlay suggested I come down to Adultcon this weekend for an interview.

“Adult who now?” I said.

Adultcon is a fan-based convention that is presented up to three times a year in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. This weekend’s festivities will be the tenth Adultcon.

I went to the convention’s website and submitted some media credentials, with links to my site and my stunning work on XBiz, Fleshbot, etc. I didn’t send my early AVN stuff because I was so much older then. I wanted comp tickets for myself and my valet.

I figured that one of two things might happen.

1. I would be told that, sorry, I had applied after the reservation period had ended. Try again next year.

2. I would be approved for the tickets.

Instead, I got Option 3, which was:

“Please go to the VIP DESK and pay $25 cash per person.

Get a receipt.

After the show, direct us to where we can see publicity on Adultcon that came from you.

As X biz is already sending their rep, that will not count.

We will mail you a full refund check after seeing the PR.

We do not comp people that have not done PR on us and have yet to see any from either of you since we started in 2001.”

This confused me. I had sent them information proving I was America’s Beloved Porn Journalist and that I wrote a thousand words a day on this horrible industry. No one has ever accused me of running a call-girl ring with contract stars (not that I don’t – I’m just not universally hated enough to be accused of it), name-bombing, bouncing checks, beating my wife, trading good reviews for sexual favors, or being a douche-flavored bag. I did a search on AdultCon and started finding disparaging remarks about it online.

“I’ll sum up Adultcon 9 in one word: BORING,” wrote Tara from Freepornstarpix. “The event was supposed to end at 9:30 pm, but by 7pm, many performers began to leave the venue. Adultcon 9 fizzled instead of sizzled.”

I had linked to Tara’s post in a Fleshbot column and had promptly forgotten about it. The way it had been described, it was like a C-list event filled with no-shows, like InternetModelPalooza.

“Every time I go there, the place is full of hookers,” said a porn blogger who didn’t want his press credentials revoked (because hookers are awesome). “Their pimps keep trying to crowd you out.”

Based on this information, I was wary that:

1. I would not like the event, write a bad review, and not get a refund.

2. I would write a review and still not get a refund.

“How can we be assured that we will get a refund once I e-mail you a link to a story?” I wrote back.

“As far as a refund, all we need is for you to post to the iindustry that Adultcon did not refund your $50, that is your assurance,” came the reply. Then: “Anyone in this industry for more than 1 year that has not heard of Adultcon is out of the adult industry loop. How is it possible that you do not know of it after 10 shows?”

Because I’m really, really stupid.

This misguided indignance is something I bump up against often. The other day I was sitting next to a guy who was chatting up a girl in a restaurant.

“You haven’t seen my Certs commercial?” he asked. “It was regional in the Midwest in 2003. How could you not have seen it? You lived in Chicago.”

I wrote back that the threat of writing something nasty on the Internet is no guarantee of good behavior on behalf of the party one is accusing. Skeeter Kerkove would not be working and AVN would not have an awards show if Internet reprisals and web attacks swayed them.

I am constantly asked by people who’ve been in the industry longer than I’ve been who a starlet is or where someone has a contract. Sometimes I know and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it’s me asking the question of my elders. It underlines only that the industry is big, not that someone is out of the loop.

“How is it possible you have not heard of us?” sounds like desperation.

I was watching Briana Banks on a set the other day. She introduced herself to everyone, assuming that perhaps someone had not heard of her. Everyone had, of course, but she was being professional.

The final e-mail I got was incoherent.

“Please email us the link to fiond your post.

We will email back about your one ticket.

My question is, everyone else that gets a post from you, what do you get from them?

Shoiuld you not be posting news on Adultcon anyway, even with no ticket?

The crap on the links you emailed are true, so it will not sour us. Makes us work harder to shut them up. Adultcon sucks, thats why it is our 10th show and all of the Jenna girls are there..no fans to meet them.”

“I will never do a show there again,” one porn performer said, saying that the organizers were “creepy.” The e-mails were definitely chip-on-the-shoulder creepy.

I have not heard a single good thing about this convention or the people who run it. I will not print some of the more salacious things I’ve heard. That is not to say Adultcon is not enjoyable once one arrives (“They did one at a casino in Compton that was a blast,” said one source).

“There was also the time a model got punched by a fan,” added another.

So people say the convention is seedy. I don’t know because I haven’t been. But porn is a little seedy or it wouldn’t be porn. I had even decided I’d pay the admission fee because writing about porn pays my rent, and even a story like “Adultcon 10 was boring” is a slow-news-day story.

It’s just the “How dare you not know who we are?” aspect that seemed so pathetic.

Especially since they hadn’t heard of me.

True to my word, though, I will give them some publicity.

Previously: Amateur porn festival spreads in Miami; Yet more awards; A clockwork tradeshow; XBiz announces tradeshow in July; AVN wrap-up