Thank you for making me whole Gram

Thank You Gram!

I have always wanted to be an industry icon, mostly for one reason. To get an angry letter from Kurt Lockwood! Everyone who is anyone has received at one time or another an angry rant. I put feelers out, I did what I could, I didn’t return his calls even though there was cash involved, but no rant!

Imagine my surprise when I was unpacking my bags at Gram Ponante Towers and Aviary when I notice I have mail in my MySpace.
Yes folks my rant had come in!

Naturally I thought he had overheard that I had stepped it up a notch and called him Faggy McFaggedy pants, but since I was alone when I said it the only logical explanation can be the prestige of me being here at the Aviary!!

I’m sure he doesn’t know I’m only here to feed the dumber whores while Gram is on vacation!

But no matter, I finally feel validated!

Just to prove I’m not making up this occasion enjoy my MySpace message.

——————————————————
yeah, right. How typical. W-ever.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kami

Date: Aug 2, 2006 3:34 PM

I need links, I’m not sure what your on about

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kurt Lockwood – Adult Film Star

Date: Aug 2, 2006 5:07 PM

Hey Kami
I don’t think you and I have ever met, much less worked together. So imagine my surprise when I make a quick check of the loser gossip boards and I find that you have been talking smack about me for a while now. This is entirely baffling to me since I have never met you, and I even tried to hire you for a scene I was directing (which you never called me back, thanks a lot). Also, I remember you hiring me for a scene with Gia and you said you would reschedule and then I never heard from you again. Nice job.
Hmmm let’s address some of your attacks on me shall we? Hmmm… you think I think I’m a “legend.” You would never work with me or Nick Manning because we are too good looking, etc. Need I go on?
Whatever your problem is. It stops now. I’ve never done shit to you, I don’t know you, and more importantly, YOU DON”T KNOW ME. As far as being concerned about being in getting fucked by me(you know, because me and Nick are too good looking), well, don’t worry, honey, that’s a problem you will….never….have.
For these unwarranted and un-provoked attacks, you owe me an apology. It’s people like you who like to talk shit and backstab others who YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW, is what makes this industry so shitty sometimes. Is your self-esteem so low that you have to talk smack about others to make yourself feel better?
That’s pretty fucking pathetic. Anyway, I have never said anything or written anything bad about you and I never will. So I kindly invite you TO GO FUCK YOURSELF. Keep my name out of your fucking mouth and we have no problem and never would have.
See you in the movies!
KURT FUCKIN’ LOCKWOOD

Even though I tried to get more attention from Mr. Lockwood he would not give me links but I think it is this topic from my favorite “loser board” yes even me poking fun at bloated red heads is all about Kurt! I’m glad he saw that!
Maybe I can get him worked up enough to throw a drink on me!
Here are some links to those that have come before me!
Courtesy Of Luke is Back
Kylie Ireland
Mike South
and some related links!
Porn Oh’s
Not Kurt Lockwoods
lock wood opens pod bay doors
Pegging
Please I know there are dozen more of these letters post links or copies in the comments!

I know this is a long first post folks but my in box is as hot as kurts bunghole after a gang bang!
*My first reader writes:*
“Many companies like adam and eve and magna publications (Genesis)
will not hire lockwood because of his attitude
*This next gem came from Mike South*
Top 10 Things You Will NEVER Hear Kurt Lackwood (I mean Lockwood) Say:

10) I hate the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.
9) Women are the true stars of porn.
8) Pussy tastes good.
7) Really, I’m modest deep down.
6) I’m really happy for Tyler and Wankus.
5) You are not sticking that in my ass!
4) The tattoo above my butt means I hate buttsex.
3) I love women!
2) That dildo is too big!
1) I’m truly sorry I was such an assclown.

*My Southern Comfort Bornyo offered this on a prior occasion!
Sue The Bastids!:*
Bornyo Thinks that in addition to PornOhs.com suggesting that Kurt Lockwood might be a little light in his loafers, the guys at PornOhs.com should be sued for ruining the ending to “Catherine” For those of you who don’t know what in the hell I am talking about click the link and read PornOhs, it’s the best satire in porn.

As for Kurt, he threatened legal action against PornOhs but that’s OK Lockwood, with your sixth grade education you probably had no idea that satire is protected free speech…You and Talon make a cute couple though….do you hold hands when you skip to the gym?

OK who can I piss off next?