The Inner Pig

So the innocent young man who has been delivering mail to my office for the past 18 months yesterday asked:

“So what do you do with these movies once you watch them?”

The parcels I receive from porn companies are, for the most part, labeled discreetly. The box that JM’s Fuck Pigs: The Movie arrived in had the simple JM toy block logo on it, with no indication of the atrocities within.

I thought the tacit agreement I had with the U.S. Government extended to its employees’ not commenting on my mail, but I guess a year-and-a-half’s worth of Red Light District, Digital Playground, and LFP material, etc., passing through his hands was too much of a temptation.

I could have protested. What if I received box after box of pierogies by mail and he’d commented, “You sure eat a lot of pierogies”? Wouldn’t today’s lawsuit-happy culture have allowed me to sue and sue and sue? Isn’t “So what do you do with these movies once you watch them?” indicative of, well, his belief that I actually watch them??

What does someone really think of you when they believe you have watched and internalized thousands of porn movies?

So I told the truth. I said:

“I don’t watch the DVDs so much as fuck those little holes in the middle until they’re HUGE.”

I think Fuck Pigs: The Movie heralds a new era of quality filmmaking for JM. It imagines a world in which Gia Paloma and friends, abducted by hillbillies, are made to wear pig noses and be debased in a mountain shack. Wasn’t that theme of transformation exactly what Terms of Endearment tried to capture?

Previously: Porn blooper reel; Hillary Scott’s many faces; Fellate expectations; Meanwhile, down at the Inner Whore
See also: JM Productions