The Skylar Neil Memorial Golf Tournament

As you well know, an excellent way to get money out of someone is to sit on his lap. That was Vince Neil’s idea when he began planning a golf tournament in his late daughter’s name to raise money for cancer research.

“Golf was a good way to get people together,” he said, “especially when people are drinking.”

Friday was the tenth anniversary of the Skylar Neil Memorial Golf Tournament. In 1996, two years after his daughter passed away, Neil corralled founding sponsors Playboy and Hawaiian Tropics to kick off the first event. Since then, the charity has raised a million dollars with spontaneous lap-based donations (“I think it was Tiffany Granath who got $10,000 out of a guy,” Neil said) as well as auction bids for items such as Motley Crue-signed guitars and rock memorabilia.

Each of the 18 holes at Friday’s tournament was sponsored by a particular company, such as Jagermeister, Wicked Pictures, or Rockstar Beverages. At Wicked’s hole 10, jessica drake and Carmen Hart posed for pictures with visiting businessmen.

“My skirt keeps blowing up,” said drake.

“That’s all right,” said Jimmy, scion of a Greek restaurant family from Hyde Park, MA.

I asked Neil if his style of philanthropy ever raised the hackles of “proper” charities.

“This is the crew I run with,” he said, “and a lot of these guys happen to be well off. Having the girls out here is a really good way to get money out of them.”

Not messsing with a good thing, Neil will host a stripper-heavy poker tournament in Las Vegas in the Fall.

The money is being disbursed via the T.J. Martell Foundation, which will spread the funds around to “edgier” cancer research. “While they are a leading philanthropic organization in the music industry,” a person close to the foundation said, “they tend to not play up the porn angle.”

I finally got Tiana Lynn to tell me why she was no longer performing.

“Why, Tiana. Why?” I probed.

“Because sales gets me off more than performing,” she said, groping Lexi Love. “I don’t want a sales customer calling me on set while I’m squirting.”

I bet it’s because she has a boyfriend, but she was too considerate to tell me.

I talked with a couple of music industry publicists on the links, as we duffers say.

“The music industry is brutal,” one said. “Porn is so much nicer.”

I thought about this for a while, and decided to shut up.

“I don’t know how many times I got thrown in front of a bus in the music industry,” the other said.

The day was hot and golf carts were limited. I spent a lot of time in the clubhhouse. Aside from weddings and winter sledding back in Banff, I’d never set foot on a golf course.

The Jagermeister swag tee was somewhere over the ridge, inaccessible. I longed to be there. There was also a cigar tee. It would have defeated the purpose to walk to the hole where the cigars were.