Who’s Your Momma?

Studio: Sin City
Director: Barrett Blade
Cast: Lisa Ann, Davia Ardell, Veronica Rayne, Dani Sexton, Cheyenne Hunter, Sue Diamond

Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot

Without coming right out and saying MILF (wait a minute – oh, they do), Sin City has released an effort featuring OMELETTEs, or Older, More Experienced Ladies Extending Their Tartiness Energetically.

Director Barrett Blade doesn’t waste much time getting into the first story, in which the delightful Davia Ardell seduces her daughter’s boyfriend. Ardell is the perfectly-engineered SoCal porn girl, though she grew up in Texas. She is a platinum blonde with large breasts that do not move. Normally I am not turned on by excessive modifications (this goes for steveporn talent as well – just because you don’t have a boob job doesn’t make acres of tattoos and steelwork easier to get around), but attitude goes a long way for your humble narrator; I wish I was dating Ardell’s daughter.

So here’s the problem. Ardell’s profile on IAFD lists her age at 31, and the date pf production was a week or so after Ardell’s birthday. Her scene partner looks about as old, or older, as she is. How old must her daughter be? Thinking too much about these things is counterproductive, but even thinking a little raises questions. Are we supposed to look at someone like Davia Ardell as old? What, then, are people to do with the remaining 60 years of their lives?

Pay for porn movies, probably. Shudder.

Veronica Rayne comes next. She takes on two job applicants. “It’s an oral interview,” she says.

It is in this scene that the MILF-bomb is dropped. Back in Bogue Chitto when I was 18 (I’m 19 now), we didn’t think that women over 25 were old. Over 40 maybe. But those were simpler times. Was it because Rayne had a job that these young slackers thought she was a MILF?

The next scene features some stunt casting. Lisa Ann has lately returned to on-camera work after a several-year hiatus. In the interim she worked as a porn talent agent. She is one of two people in this movie who actually appear to have borne children. That her scene involves her busting her daughter’s boyfriend and, again, seducing him doesn’t hold much water; she finds him in her daughter’s room sniffing panties. While we do see Lisa Ann’s C-section scar we do not believe that she could have a daughter of an age that would allow panty-sniffing as a legally-consensual act.

You get what I’m saying? My reaction is bad enough when the term MILF is used for women who aren’t actually moms, but the performers in this movie do not look like they could have daughters of consenting age.

This movie should be cited for Implied Creepiness. I’m just hoping the “Are you fucking my daughter?” element gets edited out when “Who’s Your Momma?” shows up on Oxygen.

Dani Sexton and Cheyenne Hunter come next. Both look like moms. They are having a girls’ weekend without husbands or kids and, like women do, they are drinking flat margaritas or box wine in their bikinis and high heels. They call a stripper. Billy Glide comes by and, without music or anything, he takes off his clothes.

“Aren’t you going to do a strip-tease?” Sexton asks.

“Strip-tease? Are you drunk?” Glide asks (“a little,” Sexton replies). “I’m an escort.”

Against all the rules of straight male escorting, Glide walks straight into the blowjob. No kissing, no foreplay, no “Your husband needs to appreciate how beautiful you are”, nothing. That Hunter and Sexton ordered Glide to “6969 Anus Street” should have warned me that my credulity was about to be stretched.

Finally, Sue Diamond meets a fellow in a cosy place. Despite both of their thick accents, he seems surprised she is European. Fucking ensues.

Who’s Your Momma? is a solid piece of pornography once you’ve recalibrated your suspension of disbelief.

Buy it.