As you know, I love the ladies. But not the especially young ladies. I tend to spit my milk when someone says she’s 18.
That is why I almost missed the fact that Pride of Saugus Tyler Faith was in Barely Legal #57, Hustler’s regular tribute to women who, maybe two days before, had been but girls.
Tyler is a woman.
Because Tyler was out doing womanly things, I talked with Wankus, her fiancee and librettist.
Me: Let us begin this conversation, as we begin Dodger games, naturalization ceremonies, and services at Temple Beth El, with a chorus of UnFAITHful Secrets.
Wankus: OK.
Both: “Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!”
Me: Wankus, how is it that Tyler, who is almost 30, is in a Barely Legal?
Wankus: She plays the part of a radio co-host who is interviewing some little chicky and decides to molest her during the interview.
Me: That happened to me when I was on Dennis Prager’s show.
Wankus: Now I am a bit disturbed lately about the name “Tyler Faith”.
Me: I’m asking the questions here!! What disturbs you about the name?
Wankus: I’m seeing it A LOT on new productions that she’s NOT in. There’s a girl name TYLER performing who somehow is getting box credits under Tyler Faith. And she doesn’t do much glamourous work either. Some sick shit.
Me: So a search on Tyler Faith might turn up the sick girl instead?
Wankus: Most of the results show our favorite Pride of Saugus, but some show up Gimme More Black Dick in My Ass 8 and other flattering titles. It’s an outrage.
Me: We should pay Bill Margold some extra money to head the Porn Naming Council.
Wankus: … charge people a much smaller fee than a regular trademark and make people have to APPROVE their names…..$100 a name or something and it would hold up in court and most companies would comply with not using unapproved names…
Me: Imagine my grief when I found out Sunny Lane and Tory Lane weren’t mother and daughter. What are the consequences of having two people named Tyler in the business?
Wankus: A Tyler Faith fan may buy that product to see his favorite star and either be horribly dissapointed to realize she’s not in it…or to think that she really let herself go.
Me: Would you mind we not talk about the KSEX sale because the only real news would be what everyone is getting paid and the rest of it isn’t interesting?
Wankus: Sure, but how should this interview end?
Both: “Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!/Unfaithful secrets, Unfaithful secrets!”
Previously: UnFAITHful Secrets; Charlotte Stokely speaks in tongues; Study: Teens popular as objects of pornography
See also: Hustler, Tyler Faith
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