Blind items: XRCO Awards afterparty

Around 4 a.m. several L.A. police officers showed up. They were very courteous. I have never seen an L.A. cop over six feet tall, though. Anyway, they proceeded to a locked bathroom door and knocked on it politely.

“There was a report of an attempted suicide,” one officer said, knocking. The door didn’t open.

Blind Item 1: The bathroom door opens revealing the very person who always talks about having just fucked someone in the bathroom. The fuckee is in a towel and perfectly healthy physically.

A woman says, “That’s one good way to get away from (name withheld); just tell the cops you’re attempting suicide.”

The police leave.

Blind Item 2: “I’m doing an anal scene with Catalina and right in the middle of it she sort of dreamily wanders away toward a lamp. She says, ‘Oh, what a nice lamp!’ all the while shitting all over the floor. People are looking at me like I’m supposed to do something about it. I’m like, ‘I’m not the shit wrangler!’ Eventually she wandered back.”

Blind Item 3: “I must have jacked off to that picture of your shoe twenty times.”

Blind Item 4: “Remember that Blind Item you did about Throat Gaggers?“

Me: “No.”

Blind Item 5: “Did you see that girl with the sort of fried blonde hair? She was a little roomy – her tits were hanging out of her dress. She was wearing some kind of animal print dress – she looked like she just got off work at the Body Shop. Did you see her?”

Me: “No.”

“I wanted to jump her so bad.”

Previously: “Don’t you know I have a child?“
See also: XRCO