Gram Ponante Sold to Playboy

Gram Ponante and Playboy are furious that the word has leaked.

A source writes: “Gram Ponante Towers, Helipad, Aviary, Splash Park, and several suits of clothes have been sold (the latter by accident) to Playboy.”

I was not aware that I was in the process of being acquired. I thought what I was feeling was a mild bladder infection or, at worst, gonorrhea.

I text myself 9/18:

Pursuant to your claims, I convey to you this missive: “Shame on you for getting the ball rolling on something that was absolutely not f–ki– true before but now, based on your sc–ril–s allegations, will probably fulfill it-fuc—ng-self like a self-fu–i-ng-fulfilling prophefuckingcy.”

A reliable source writes: “Full of health? Then don’t click!”

Tod Hunter writes:

The Rancho La Brea Tar Pits is one of the world’s most famous fossil localities, located 5 miles west of downtown Los Angeles. Near the end of the Ice Age, about 40,000 to 10,000 years ago, sabertoothed tigers and woolly mammoths roamed the Los Angeles Basin. Some of these animals, along with countless other animals and plants, became mired in pools of natural tar – a tragic ending for many prehistoric creatures, but a boon for today’s paleontologists studying the Ice Age.

Loup Perch-Tounge emails 9/19:

DATELINE: Loup Perch-Tounge – It is not easy to be a porn journalist, of whom much is expected. One would think that a business making by its own estimation more money than the combined mainstream music, film, and aerospace industries wouldn’t worry about its own appearance of credibility, but indeed it does, and lucky for me, because it is I to whom it has been appointed to craft a veneer of legitimacy on this rough and ready band of vagabonds and visionaries, who so often toil in anonymity while their mainstream contemporaries strut and fret their hours on the stage (Shakespeare’s Richard III, not As You Like It, as some would think). I am often told how important it is that I continue working, how important it is that I not give up the fight, even as I see the business which glistens with the pearls of my intellect not taking my wisdom to its heart. Would that this industry crown a philosopher king, I am told, so that we may experience a second Golden Age, where narrative, administrative competence, and good spelling hold sway. These conversations occur in my mind. Alac, I must do my part as scribe king only.

Gram Ponante has been trying to sell himself for years. He wants to do something else with his life, like own an industry-leading adult trade publication.