It was Defiance Films night at Porn Star Karaoke, meaning I was drinking Yukon Jack instead of my usual Jagermeister. Defiance Films is going to release a Taylor Rain joint called Ski, Bitches! which is a handjob film that simulates skiing conditions except with handjobs. I guess you’ll have to see it.
This woman’s name is Laundrea. I don’t know who she is or what she does (well, I assume I know what she does). But what is most important is that her name is Laundrea.
Sardo’s, like Nick’s Place in Pottersville, serves hard drinks for guys who want to get drunk fast, and it doesn’t need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere.
Despite this, both Robyn Rosenberg and her quarry, Lurk Ford, checked in constantly to inform me of the other’s whereabouts. “I am not Self-Hating Lew’s keeper,” I said.
Wankus and Tim Case performed an excellent rendition of Iron Maiden’s Run to the Hills, detailing the plight of my Navajo forebears. Proving that porn world feuds aren’t real, Tim and Wankus, who are in a public debate over what does or does not constitute being a suitcase pimp, harmonized exquisitely.
Wankus says he is not a suitcase pimp because he maintains he does not make money off his significant other, Tyla Faith (kid). Tim Case, who is paired with Felicia Fox, might argue that everyone attached to a porn star is a suitcase pimp.
What everyone agrees on is that, if you are a male and are dating or married to a porn star, you need to get a goatee. Facial hair is important because it sops up the dignity. (Oh Jesus I’m just kidding.)
Porn star Kelly Erickson, pictured here with her valet Jeanette, makes me want to take up smoking again and re-open my account at Bank of America.
While Bank of America charges usurious fees and is the number one target for ATM scams, it does have the most ATMs in Southern California, one of which Kelly Erickson stands in front of, freely dispensing cash to me.
“I once saw the Museum of Spam when I was dancing in Austin, Minnesota,” she said.
“I will think about that as I drive home,” I replied, stroking the place my goatee had been.
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