Return to Porn Star Karaoke

I usually travel to PSK with an entourage including former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, a chimp, Elizabeth Taylor, Ronnie James Dio, and your mother, but none was available for Black Widow/Team Tyler night, so I made a few calls.

The first call was to publicist and spiritual advisor Wayne Hentai. Hentai, a virgin, was in Hawaii. “People keep dropping me in volcanoes,” he sobbed.

I then called The Original Roy Karch.

“I’m watching something on television, Gram,” he said.

“You Judas!” I replied.

“I don’t believe you,” he said. “You’re a liar.”

Then I called Kami Andrews. “I have three jobs so I will smell of sex, speed, and latex,” she said, but I was reasonably sure she’d be there.

She never showed up. I have never met Kami Andrews, but I had something for her. When I started this site in January, Platinum X was kind enough to sponsor my first contest. They gave me several copies of Intensities in Ten Cities 2 and some t-shirts. There was a question one needed to answer to get the prize, but I forget what it was.

Kami answered correctly, and I never sent her stuff because I’d forgotten to have her state that she was over 18. So this was our big chance. I’ve had her Platinum X t-shirt and Intensities in Ten Cities 2 DVD mouldering at Gram Ponante Towers. I’d be transporting pornography in my vehicle.

(Later, while I was stopped at a drive-through, the Jack in the Box guy spied my UnFAITHful Secrets and Intensities in Ten Cities 2 DVDs in the front seat and said, “Having a party?”)

I spoke at length with Gauge about our shared love of firearms. That her boyfriend sung a Danzig song makes me think their romance will last. The couple has 30 acres of Arkansas countryside to shoot up, and they do. I’m not saying they shoot up. I explained that, like all pornographers, I was a First Amendment patriot in addition to my being a Second Amendment patriot. I unfurled a flag behind me and wept big round tears.

I asked Tyler Faith about how she got her porn name. “I danced as Faith and I signed with Jill Kelly Productions as Tyler, then I put them together,” she said.

“Do you ever have a birthday party for your porn name?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, “but I have one for my boobs. They were born on February 26 eleven years ago.”

Faith explained that the right one is named Chip and the left is Dale. February 26 is now more important to me, and I understand that kids from the Hilltop Steak House to the Winthrop Yacht Club get that day off from school.

Sardo’s owner Seymour patiently explained the need to keep fire lanes open. Black Widow Media owner Ric Williams fell in love with a woman who didn’t deserve his attention. I won a coffee cup. Then I went home, transporting pornography in my vehicle.