Actually, Rodney King said no such thing, but I may have. When I was informed that Nina Hartley would be starring in Tom Byron’s Asseaters Unanimous 17 (I know #16 just came out – I know), I requested a non-Nina asseating photograph from the movie and contacted Ms. Hartley herself.
Gram: Nina, I know what a Rusty Trombone is. I know what a Dirty Sanchez is. I know what a Blumpkin and a Red Sock are. More than that, I understand why they are called those things. Can you tell me why one who has rimmed is one who has “tossed salad”?
Hartley: I have no idea whatsoever as to the origin of the term “tossed salad” as a euphemism for rimming.
That Nina Hartley herself did not know the answer to this question sent me into a profound depression that lasted several weeks. I considered suicide and/or watching a Jennifer James video starring Bill Margold, or a Bill Margold video starring Jennifer James.
An angel came to me.
Angel: Grams, I understand that Nina Hartley not knowing the answer to a sex question might lead you to suicide, but justifying the continued careers of the people you just mentioned would hurt more than just you. Sales figures indicate they might hurt up to ten people.
Finally, to save myself, I resolved to ask Hartley something she could answer.
Gram: Nina, what is the square root of 616, 225?
Hartley: Oh. That would be 785.
Gram: Then what is the appeal of eating the ass?
Hartley: I’ve been eating ass for years, since my first videos. Partly because it’s transgressive, partly because I’m always supportive of any man who’ll let his butt be pleasured on camera, and partly because I know it feels good.
Gram: You’re a better person than I am.
Hartley didn’t answer because she already knows this.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: God, give me the serenity to accept Asseaters Unanimous; Nina Hartley’s Great Sex During Pregnancy
See also: Tom Byron
Leave a Reply