There are a few industries, and the adult entertainment business is one of them, in which there is an institutional assumption of stupidity. That can lead to performers throwing big words around to show that they aren’t dummies, media types like myself dumbing down my questions about gape circumference, and perpetuating the public’s perception of porn as a playground of the pulchritudinous peabrained.
And it’s not true. In fact, the only person in the porn world I ever thought was headscratchingly, bedwettingly dumb was the guy who physically assaulted me a few years ago.
But the assumption persists. I visited a Hustler set this weekend directed by Richard de Montfort and starring the whipsmart and striking Scarlett Fay in an as-yet-untitled Lindsey Lohan porn spoof.
Fay was seated in the makeup chair enduring hair extensions when I arrived. I recalled the extra weight that extensions added to the head of Jenny Hendrix as I asked my first probing question:
“Scarlett, do those hurt your head?”
“No,” Fay said, “but it is the first time I’ve had them.”
“Do you feel compressed,” I asked, “like overburdened on your skull?”
I was thinking of poor Giles Corey, accused Salem witch sympathizer, who was crushed by the slow addition of stones by a jury of his peers.
“No,” Fay said, “but I don’t feel like I’m in ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ anymore.”
Fay was talking about the close-cropped hair of Scout in the book and movie versions of the Harper Lee story.
Readers, just because I was tremendously impressed that Fay, reared in the great Southern California city of Temecula, knew the hairstyle of one of the most beloved characters in 20th century American literature, it didn’t mean that I was surprised.
It’s like when you go to DeMoulas/Market Basket, Price Chopper, IGA, Ralph’s, Piggly Wiggly, or – what’s that movie about the dog? – Winn-Dixie looking for charcoal bricquets but you also find cheap lawn chairs: impressed but not surprised.
So I was impressed that Fay said this and, coupled with the understanding that she had great nipples I squeaked a little, knowing that you would want to see more of such a person, and her nipples.
“Yes, I went to college,” Fay said, as if acknowledging the belief that porn girls aren’t smart. It’s sad. But what could I do?
Well, I took her into the bathroom and asked her to pose on the toilet. Why? Because I was too lazy to start a book club.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Gram’s Christmas miracle; Strollin’ in the Colon
See also: Hustler
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