Stormy – but everything will be fine – on Operation Desert Stormy

I am on the set of Wicked’s Operation Desert Stormy, which will be shot over ten days. Today is the first day, and it is raining; probably the hardest rainfall L.A. has received all year. Cars are stopped on the 405, a bridge in my neighborhood is out. Altogether, we got maybe an inch of rain. People are terrified here.

The problem is that it’s also cold, and there is an outdoor luau scene taking place after lunch. The rain will stop by the afternoon, but it will still be nippy.

Stormy Daniels is directing from a 79-page script she wrote in Final Draft. It would be unfair to say that her past two years of Hollywood experience have alone taught her to format scripts in a standardized way and binderclip them, because she always did it this way.

I am on the set of Wicked’s Operation Desert Stormy. This is couples porn at a different level. The set is calm and organized, the atmosphere is light. There is free Wi-Fi. I’m in one of two porn McMansions situated across the street from each other in Woodland Hills. The last time I was in this neighborhood was for a Pussy Party, which was also pleasant.

Operation Desert Stormy is a cross between Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Get Smart. Steven St. Croix plays Brad Pitt and Don Adams. Porn actors achieve longevity if they have a sense of humor and don’t take themselves too seriously. St. Croix on screen is hilarious. There is a scene where Stormy flushes the toilet while he is in the shower. You could hear his shriek through the house.

Wicked director Jonathan Morgan is facillitating the scenes Stormy is in. He has a problem with Stormy’s look for the couple’s toothbrushing scene.

“You just woke up; can you look a little more disheveled?” he asks.

“Yeah,” she says, and disappears for 20 minutes. It takes her that long to look moderately disheveled. I can go from zero to disheveled in .04 seconds.

Wicked shoots about five of these multi-day, large budget movies a year. This one finishes filming in mid-May and editing will be done by summer, just in time for AVN Awards consideration (deadline for consideration is usually the end of September). Last year’s Corruption finished post-production in August. Adam & Eve’s Eden is filming in Maui now. This time of year is lousy with porn money.

A two-person team cooks an elaborate lunch. I think this is the first time the kitchen has been used for this; these two kitty-korner houses are used exclusively for film shoots, and it’s only the guest house in the back that people live in. The rest is just porn. If a tunnel could be bored underneath Burbank Blvd between the two locations, the only contact required with the outside world would be a regular babywipes and Red Vines run to Costco.

At 4 p.m., it still looks cold. A luau doesn’t look possible. “It’ll be my first make-up day!” Stormy says. She nobly resists the temptation to direct from the back seat. She keeps almost saying “Action” when she’s ready to begin.

Morgan directed St. Croix and Daniels in a softcore scene. “If I see even one genital, Steven, you’re dead.”

“I am putting my genitals away,” St. Croix said.

With several more days to go and a luau that needs to be rescheduled, the mood is still much lighter than most sets I’ve visited recently. I think it is because Steven St. Croix is from Maine. Either that or everybody is good at his/her job.

UPDATE 4/21: Stormy was able to get the luau. It was 54 degrees last night. One word: nipples.

Previously: Wicked Girls unaware of crimes; All about All About Anna; Stormy Daniels does something
See also: Wicked Pictures

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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