“Foot Fetish Sluts” make you wait for the other shoe to drop

or: Summer Cummings toes the ‘gine.

Why do some people fetishize feet? I don’t know. I tend to like everything north of them. That said, Julie Simone’s “Foot Fetish Sluts” features several women who, even if they don’t know what the big deal is about feet, either, at least know that you like them. You Pervert. Continue reading “Foot Fetish Sluts” make you wait for the other shoe to drop

Krissy Kage: Life Is Suffering

Poor Krissy Kage.

In dominatrix auteur Julie Simone’s “Vicious Vixxxens VI: Krissy the Love Sex Doll,” Kage can’t seem to catch a goddamn break. A whimpering mess in a doll outfit, she is presented, still in wrapping paper, to deviant glamazon Summer Cummings, who does all manner of things to her whilst dressed herself in a series of outrageous outfits.

The only two things Kage registers across her long body are Fear and Moistness.

I ask you, Readers, if you’ve ever been involved in a reationship that seemed bereft of advantage to you, and how you justified staying in it. That’s what I got from this series of scenarios between Cummings and Kage. What’s in it for Krissy?

While most of the movie features Kage as a trussed-up dildocushion, for one scene she emerges as a long-limbed tomgirl being harassed by Cummings as her blowsy mom. I liked this one because it showed the most skin.

But for those of you who still possess working imaginations as well as sadomasochistic sensibilities, the rest of “Vicious Vixxxens VI” is pretty heady stuff, too. Julie Simone’s low-budget character studies aren’t big on production value, but you know that each time Cummings spanks Kage’s ass, she leaves a little bit of her heart there.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Way out sounds from deep in your urethra; Tuesdays with Julie; Gia Paloma’s fan letter
See also: Julie Simone

Today in gerunds: “Asphyxiating Ariel”

If life has taught us anything, it is that gerunds sell movies. Who can forget Sean “You’re the man now, dawg” Connery in “Finding Forrester”? Or the gangbang-forgiveness film “Chasing Amy”? Or the elderporn “Waking Ned Devine”? Then there’s the water bondage flick “Finding Nemo,” the deceptively non-porn “Teaching Mrs. Tingle,” and the Robert Frost poem “Stopping By Woods on A Snowy Evening.”

Whose woods these are, I do not care
I’ll make a snowy toilet there
My little horse won’t take offense
If I squirt my name through this here fence

Not only is trendspotting dominatrix Julie Simone not a fool, but she also doesn’t suffer them lightly. That is why the hapless Ariel X gets treated so savagely in Simone’s “Asphyxiating Ariel,” co-starring the breasts of Summer Cummings.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Smoking Interviews 3
See also: Julie Simone

AVN Expo guides help to focus your drool

Princess Diana might have chosen to call it a minefield, but I call the AVN Expo a delightful collagen dessert with fans as the gelatin and your favorite porn personalities as the marshmallows suspended within. Plus, Princess Diana is no longer with us.

If you plan to attend, you will be pleased that organizers of the event have published two comprehensive guides to who will be appearing and at what booth and time, organized by star and location. Each guide is 47 pages long.

As porn personalities might be alighting on several booths over the course of the week, I suggest you download and print both lists, fold them as many times as you can, stop in the middle of the aisle to check and recheck, and approach each porn star with “WHICH ONE ARE YOU?”

Everyone from John Wayne Bobbitt to Christy Canyon to Summer Cummings to Memphis Monroe will be there, though the guide does not mention Vivid at all.

See also: Adult Entertainment Expo Signing Guides