Whores Don’t Wear Panties

Studio: Hustler
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Hillary Scott, Eva Angelina, Sativa Rose, Renee Richards, Brooke Haven

More than just about anything, I like a good font. The Esquivel-esque swirls that spell the title of Hustler’s Whores Don’t Wear Panties conjure up a space-age bachelor pad of cocktail glasses and, well, panty-free whores. That the font is the same as that of my Porn Valley Observed logo doesn’t hurt either.

But mostly I appreciate Truth. Whores don’t, in my experience, wear panties.

Hillary Scott, Renee Richards, Brooke Haven, Sativa Rose and Eva Angelina explain their panty aversions in interview segments prior to each sex scene. “Panties get in the way,” Haven stated. “I stopped wearing them when I was ten.” Haven encourages others to not wear panties, either.

Canadian Sativa Rose remembered access difficulties a suitor encountered at a shindig. “And that’s when I realized I was never going to wear underwear again,” she said. (She actually said ‘suitor’ and ‘shindig’.)

Unlike the five percent of people featured on HBO’s “Real Sex” that look rompable, whether in the feature stories or the street interview segments, the actresses of Whores Don’t Wear Panties deliver splendidly on the promise of their engaging tales.

Birmingham, England’s Renee Richards, whom I think should hold elected office, said she was “pro anti-pantie (but we call them ‘knickers'”).

Only Eva Angelina presents a sad story. She (great teeth) related her practice of initiating blowjobs at parties but failing to follow through.

Hillary Scott wrapped up the video. She tells us nothing eztraordinary in her scene, but the sound was down because the neighbors walked by the window.

In all, lack of accessibility and pantylines seem to be the two factors governing panty doffage. Was this news to me? No. But I believe it.