Digital Playground publicist Anal Load Lee has left me for a dreamboat SCUBA instructor. She will be getting married in Costa Rica next summer.
“I couldn’t resist his eyes,” Lee sobbed, presenting me a goodbye pen. I stood outside DP’s Van Nuys headquarters with my boombox for thirty days, playing the Britney Rears classic “I Just Wanna Get Laid,” but all Anal Load Lee did was giggle and go over wedding plans with Jesse Jane, who dumped me just six months earlier.
At least Teagan is still carrying my child.
I don’t know what I will do now that all the publicists have been spoken for. April Storm has David Coverdale, Janie Lisziewski has modern dance, and Dusty has Kim Chambers and prehensile toes.
I suppose I could have been a better boyfriend. I suppose I shouldn’t have talked about my innocent crush on Jackie Markham all the time. I wish I had been more there for her during the Tera thing, but I was battling my own demons.
I just got so caught up in the glamour of the AVN lunch truck.
I drove her away. Into the subaquatic arms of this Mike guy in the picture.
Another Mike, Mike South, told me to take it easy, that I’d get it right the next time. “Adell is like a little sea bird,” Mike said. “You can’t tame the little sea bird.”
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