Now that I’m 90 years old, there are few things that shock me.
I have had a well-loved porn actress squirt in my eye on set, over the head of her scene partner (in billiards, this is called a masse shot). I have watched Rob Spallone’s Fat Gangbang, I have seen some of the most eclectic adult offerings from the former East Germany, Brazil, and Denmark. And, as you know, I saw a shark eat a rocking chair once.
But today I happened on the site MolestationAttorney.com.
The first thing I thought was that this site, sponsored by Imhoff & Associates, was a trap. So I called them up and asked the operator, “Is this a trap? Are you cops?” and I was assured that indeed MolestationAttorney.com is a resource for people looking to beat some particularly onerous raps.
From the website:
“Our attorney’s [sic] will incorporate a strategy to help the judge and prosecutor see beyond the paper in their file to help them understand the full facts and circumstances involved in your case. We will also take specific steps to help the prosecutor and the judge see the good things that you do to consider your case more fairly.”
It is important to show a judge and prosecutor that, in addition to molesting children, you are also a candidate for the U.S. House of Representatives, a taxpayer, a member of the Lakers or the FSC defense team, or a scrupulous gardener.
If the border between pedophilia and Barely Legal, or any teen title released by every studio, is an arbitrary birthday, then we must allow for similar gray areas in the legal profession. What one might describe as bottom feeding another might just as rightly say is defending the downtrodden.
And if the business of America is business, why not capitalize on your SEO research and buy a domain name that reflects the kind of services you offer?
It’s still creepy.
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