I understand that there are ancient and venerable laws governing the display of nipples for the purpose of inciting sexual arousal, and the March issue of Club International magazine, which features the first pairing of Digital Playground and Adam & Eve talent since the original Pirates movie, dutifully blots out the nubby portion of Angelina Armani’s and Kayden Kross’ nipples.
Would it be helpful if I told you that, unless they are wizened, misshapen, and spurting liquefied uranium 238, nipples don’t interest me at all, and that I represent all Americans when I say this? Would it help if I said that I at first thought the beige blotting devices were part of these alliterative actresses’ nipples and marveled at their size before I realized that – cockblockery! – I wasn’t actually looking at nipples? No, I guess it wouldn’t.
After all, I’m only America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, as certified by the United Nations.
It is now 12:07 AM and I am drunk as a lemur. But I know what I know. I include the following paragraph so that you can decipher it:
Besides those two temperature-raising layouts, Kayden is included, along with Adam & Eve’s other exclusive contract star Bree Olson, in the star-studded feature article on adult star blowjobs. Readers will learn a lot from the secrets and techniques of such XXX names as Joanna Angel, Sunny Lane, Courtney Cummz and more!
Having met both Kross and Armani and knowing that both are charming and beautiful, I can assure you that in person their nipples look much different, and that it is very likely that if you were to buy the March issue of CI your newstand price would take care of the removal of those hated nipple obfuscation devices (but don’t steal the magazine, else that shit stays on).
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Club Sandeewich; Memphis Monroe’s nipples get Clubbed; Help Angelina Armani learn to love L.A.;
See also: Adam & Eve, Digital Playground, Club
Maybe the nipples are obscured because it is the March issue of Club International and it is not ripe yet. Maybe those nipple cover things will just fall off naturally when the issue matures and the nipples are in season. Like a snake shedding its skin or something.